It's our favorite episode--The Hometown Episode! We're promised that it'll be VERY strange. Get excited!
Four "Very Different" American Families:
Shayne in L.A.
Chelsea in Colorado
Noelle in Colorado
Amanda in Florida
Shayne and Papa Lamas in Los Angeles
Matt is nervous. Shayne thinks that Matt is skeptical. Shayne thinks she's made her intentions clear that she's here to meet Matt and fall in love and NOTHING ELSE.
Shayne and Matt practice her dad's name several time.
Enter: LORENZZOOOOOO LA-MASSSSSSS!!! I think LoLo is channeling that T Mobile commercial with the over-the-daughter's-shoulder wary glance at boyfriend.
LoLo tells us he got married at 21, things didn't work out, and now he's looking out for his daughter.
LoLo: "It surprised me to hear that Shayne was on the Bachelor, Matt. It was the idea of being on television that was enticing to her. The idea of being an actress is appealing to Shayne, but she wants to be a star more."
Shayne is furious. How dare Papa Lolo! She has valiantly fought this comment from Day 1. She tells LoLo and Matto that she would have left if she hadn't been in love with Matt. Don't you know that's the way The Bachelor works, Papa Lolo? You leave if you're not feeling it. Duuuhhh....
During dad-and-dude time, Lo and Matt seem to feel they're both genuine, they totally love one another, they pound rock fists and a couple beers together. Dude.
LoLo and Shayne share some quality father-daughter time, talking about how much Shayne loves Dad Lamas and Matt. Shayne cries in a moment that is better than any script. ABC considers hiring Shayne for bachelorette coaching in future seasons.
Shayne and Mama Shayne in Los Angeles
Shayne's mom is a scary warning of what Shayne may turn into if she continues to tan over the next twenty years. Next stop: Collagen City.
"Matt knows I come from a broken family," says Shayne. "That's not something I'm going to hide." Nor can she.
We discover that Shayne bought this house for her mom. Interesting. "I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," says Matt of the decor. Leopard prints! Potpourri! More leopard prints! Fluffy toy dogs!
"I knew we wouldn't be the normal quaint American family. We're a little bit crazy," says Shayne, just to prove a point.
Shayne's mom impresses Matt by cooking an English meal. Or by ordering one for him. Or maybe by ordering ABC to order one for him.
Shayne says her mom is 20 times the firecracker that she is and that her mom will steal the show. Her mom shows off Shayne's tap dancing routine a la 1994 to Matt. To me, this is creepy. Wasn't Matt like in college at this point? If I had been in college in 1994, I wouldn't want to be watching this tap dancing routine by my future wife at the same year. Creepy.
Shayne's little sister is mini-Shayne. Quiet, whiny, wise, full of accessories like that Xena Warrior Princess headband. "Do you looooove him???"
Shayne's mom wants to know how Matt would handle it if Shayne is a successful actress who is making out with lots of hot men on the big screen all the time. Matt seems cool with it.
Matt says he is falling big time for Shayne and would never have expected this to work out so well. Um, me neither. "I'm gonna miss you, Monkey!" says Matt.
Chelsea's Family in Durango, Colorado
Matt says that Chelsea has been going hot and cold and he wants her to break down that barrier.
Chelsea warns Matt that she gets really emotional around her parents and being with her family. Matt and Chelsea walk to her house, arms linked, rather than hands held.
Everyone shares a dinner together. Chelsea jokes she doesn't speak "British." Heh. Heh. Heh. Matt tells Chelsea's family that when his dad had a stroke, he realized that he was ready to settle down. Mm, details! I wish ABC would divulge more of these things earlier on.
Chelsea's dad says that Matt doesn't seem to take himself too seriously and that he seems honest. He's impressed. Chelsea admits to her father that she didn't even want to like Matt. Um, then what were you thinking when you signed up for The Bachelor? Was Shayne actually more looking for love than Chelsea? My world is spinning.
Matt tells Chelsea's mom that Chelsea's reservations make him wonder whether she's into him. Her mom explains, a la mama style, that her daughter is only scared about getting hurt. Yawn.
Cut to Chelsea and her dad. On cue, Chelsea's dad tells her to open up and be honest with Matt. Chelsea decides she needs to express her real feelings. She does this by intensely making out with him out by the car. Good move.
Noelle's Family in Loveland, Colorado
Matt needs to get to know Noelle better, he tells us.
Matt rides up on a pick-up truck with a "cowboy" accent. They go on a horseback ride together.
Noelle tells Matt that he has all the sides that she doesn't have. They make a full brain together, apparently? I'm not sure if that was really the speech she practiced.
Noelle admits that she was nervous before he got there because her family is a little bit conservative. She's 26, and Matt's only the second guy she's brought home. To meet: her parents and two sisters? Step mom? I'm so confused about who these people are.
Matt's horse stops short of the picnic table. Tally ho!
Matt and Noelle's dad go off to shoot the shit and some horseshoes. Her dad wants to know what kind of person does The Bachelor. Matt doesn't really have a good answer for that.
Noelle tells her sisters and mom that she needs to put herself out there. They agree. So do we.
ABC sets the family up in this awkward dinner table pose via The Last Supper. Even Noelle's dad notices. I would have loved to have seen this set up: Um, the light isn't quite right. You're all going to have to sit on this one side of the table.
Noelle's mom, who looks like she could be Noelle's sister, and Noelle's sister take him out to find out whether he is falling in love with Noelle. He admits that there are a lot of girls at his disposal.
Noelle tells her family that she doesn't let guys in. Matt says that he really wants to get to know Noelle better, that he wishes he could spend more time with her and that she seems like his "ultimate partner."
Amanda's "Family" in Tallahassee, Florida
Matt says that family is important to him and he needs to get along with them.
Amanda decided to play a prank on Matt by hiring two actors to play her parents. Amanda's also nervous that this won't go well. So am I.
Fake Mom laughs at everything serious Matt says. Fake Mom's laugh was super-awkward, says Amanda.
Fake Mom wants to know whether they've been intimate. So does Fake Dad.
Matt pounds his beer.
Fake Dad and Matt have a serious conversation alone where Fake Dad plays inquisition on Matt. Fake Mom goes out to interrupt and talk to Matt as Mrs. Robinson.
Fake Mom asks Matt is he's a good boy, calls him a big boy, and starts stroking his nipple. (ABC is not giving us ANY insight into how Matt feels about this in interviews.) Fake Mom rubs her face against Matt and thrusts her breasts in his face.
Amanda, seeing that maybe this is going to the breaking point, breaks the news of the prank to Matt. Matt looks nauseous and then in a later interview admits that it was funny.
Real Mom and Real Dad come out and Matt sighs relief. Matt and Amanda get some alone time together upstairs where he admits that he got got, and well, that's hot.
Chris "Love Destroyer" Harrison says that girls look like they're sick and because of that, they obviously know how important tonight is. He encourages them to squeeze their cheeks to get some blood flowing.
Matt seems truly flustered before having to announce his choices.
Matt says to his final three girls that he is excited to have them with him. And now, vacation time!