Thursday, June 24, 2004

Tell me what to do with my life

A few nights ago, Ryan and I had the big "Dude-we're-totally-switching-to-journal

ism" talk.

I was so confident in my feelings about it. Yeah! Why didn't I apply Medill in the first place?? It was what I wanted to do way back when I was younger. Remember? Peter Jennings was your idol?! Okay. We've chosen something, self. Good.

Then, two nights ago, while coughing in bed (cause I do that instead of sleeping these days), I realized law school was definitely the path for me.

Sure, I maybe COULD go to Medill, maybe double major in some history or writing or something, and THEN go to law school! There IS that intership I want to do next summer...and after all, I've grown up in that environment, I'm already THINKING like a lawyer. Great! I better look at CAESAR so I can drop that stupid drawing class right away.

Last night, after compiling some of my photographs, I talked to Bryan about photojournalism.

Of course. Why haven't I thought about double majoring in the arts department. I love photography, after all. I love art! I can combine my two passions! Writing and art! And then write children's books much later when I'm older and wiser. Screw law school.

Tonight, Brandon, while sifting through my photographs and drawings on my laptop suddenly grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eye and says: CC. You're always wondering what you should do with yourself. Why haven't you thought about computer graphics? You can apply yourself creatively in a great medium. You love doing this stuff. So do it!

Yeah, Brandon! I thought. You're completely right. I DO love this stuff. My favorite class in high school WAS Consumer Art! That was amazing times. I doodle with art instead of writing my papers. Doesn't that mean I love it more than writing my papers?? I should totally look into this.


Hi, my name is CC and I have a problem. I don't want to major in anything.

Except Englicomputergraphotographistoricawritinganthrojournacommunication studies, with a concentration in high stress and caffeine. Future plans to move into
((the city/cave to hibernate with bears/barn turned country cottage/Paris/Morocco/parents' house))
((go to law school/write about the experience/photograph the country/live off of tips at a local café/take photographs and write while learning the language on the fly/mooch)).


Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Mission: Ohio

finally started the drive-around-Ohio-and-photodocument-it mission. First stop? The abandoned gunpowder factory in Kings Mill.

This place is amazingly creepy/beautiful. Abandoned during World War 2, the factory has become a haven for kids who wish to wreak havoc, drink, and seek out the ghosts of the workers who died in gunpowder explosions. Perhaps, judging by the inside of some of the rooms, painted with messages like:


Perhaps some of those kids are the ones being the ghosts too.

Nature, too, is staking a claim here. Inside one portion of the factory, a large generator of sorts is rusting as it looms over a sapling. Ivy thrives on the interior walls of the factory and cats have made a home of the space as well.

I'm putting what pictures I can for now up. My computer memory is literally so low that I can no longer edit the photos. So, for now, here are some...

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Monday, June 21, 2004


Tonight I hung out with Sparks, B, Mike and KTO. I felt very out of place. They've created their own memories that I'm not a part of.

As if it's not weird enough that KTO and Mike are back together (after two summers of double dates with them. every. single. night. out. just. b/cc. mike/kto. and then them being broken up while b and i were still together...)

It's not that I feel lacking, I just feel uneasy because everything's different.

But tonight, as they, some of my closest friends who are recently graduated, talked about how weird it will be to leave home and that they can't imagine making new friends and starting new....I realized how much that other place means to me.

I sat, looking through the screen of the gazebo and grazing my fingertips over its rough surface, thinking about everyone. Individually. Considering memories with each person.

Does (this random friend, maybe you reading this) know me better than mike? my favorite person to call up and just talk for hours with? my favorite duet partner? my best hairy friend?...

better than a? my enemy for so many years turned best friend during the latter half of high school? my art buddy and favorite crazy friend?...

better than b?? b--who was my other half for so long. b--who was my stunt double, my swing dancing partner, my picnic buddy, my skinny-dipping fellow swimmer, my favorite person to bicker with, my best friend, my boyfriend. The person who brought out the best and the worst in me for four years.

Then I realized. Yeah. You do.

And even though I already knew this, the feeling is all the more visceral now. And I miss you.


Sunday, June 20, 2004

Summer Things

I came up with a Father's Day gift earlier this week and got all the necessities this afternoon while shopping with Amy. It's my Sensory Basket of Memories with Dad. It includes
1. A lottery ticket and beanie baby bear for sight (like middle school after-school trips all over again)
2. Dove Ice Cream Bars and York Peppermint Patties for taste (since my earliest memories are of sitting in my "playpen" and my dad trying to feed me those)
3. Sandalwood soap for smell (since it is his favorite)
4. A Garrison Keillor Prarie Home Companion CD for sound (I grew up listening to this with my parents in the van)
5. All wrapped up in a basket, stuffed with red tulle for touch (since when I had my first ballet recital in a red tutu, I told my dad then that it felt like his scruffy face)

Amy and I attended the Ben Folds, Guster, Rufus Wainwright concert at Fraze tonight. It was really great. Ben Folds is officially my favorite performer and I want him to be my brother.

Nothing beats him teaching the audience what a triad is and then climbing up on a piano in the heat of musical passion to get them to sing it back.

And the fact that both he and Guster walked around Kettering separately all afternoon. Ben Folds took photographs of the suburban houses, hoping not to get caught by the owners; and the lead singer of Guster bought a ten-speed bike from one of the many garage sales that he visited, deeming the bike "the best 10-speed seventies bike this side of the Mississippi."

Rufus was, of course, wonderful, but I think the order for the concert would have been better as follows: Guster, Rufus, Ben... rather than Ben, Guster, Rufus. But that's just me, and I'm a Benophile.

Other good moments included Ben Folds just sitting on the side of the stage during Guster, eating a banana...and Rufus Wainwright repeatedly apologizing for his singing, even though it was amazing as usual, and then putting it out there that no one should vote for Bush.


Friday, June 11, 2004

Being Cliché

I'm getting all sentimental. That sucks.

I just got off the phone from an hour and a half long conversation with Brandon. Before that, I was with my parents moving around storage and we drove around looking at the old "familiar" sights of Wilmette.

Yesterday involved:
One last final
Burning CDs, a lot
Dinner at Panera
Running in the rain with John down Sherman
Slideshows and pizza
Dance parties
Naps at midnight
More packing
Quietly spending last nights with friends

Stayed up last night with John til 4 am talking about our coming summers. Lil Jess came in shortly thereafter and we reviewed our short college experiences til 5. What stereotypical last-few-nights talks, but I think they had to happen.

Outside my window, cars nearly ram into one another in efforts to get parking spots near the dorms. It's chaos.

So many people left today. How can it be that I feel like I still JUST got to college and yet I have such a connection with a still unfamiliar place?

I was still just getting to know so many people and I don't want summer to interrupt. I'm, of course, anxious to get home and try to settle back into my old skin, but I don't know if that's going to be completely possible.

Sorry to make this cliche end-of-my-freshman-year-at-college entry, but I had to happen. :)


Monday, June 7, 2004

I've Been Doing Things

I've had an incredible end to this school year. I couldn't have asked for more in the last few days. Well, could someone cancel my exams this week? That'd be okay. I cannot possible describe the fun I had Saturday Luau'in, beachin', and music/movie/rearrangin' roomin' it up. Friday was amazing as well, what with finishing up a course a week early and seeing Harry Potter 3. So, in an abreviated version... Here are photos to let you know what I've been up to...

He almost managed to get me back...

Scott is amazing. This is what I love about kids.

Bryan and I in sepia-toned action.

Don't worry. We're still best buds, but we just taste better!

Ryan and Barrak fighting.

I think I look like the Virgin Mother of Pudding in this photo.

The dirty girls.

The aftermath.

PS. I love life.