Tuesday, February 3, 2004

Super Tuesday

From my mom on local politics: "You might call it the battle of the pointy, pencil-head, conservative Republicans vs. the somnambulate, overfed, conservative pachyderms. The entire election turned on how well the candidate appeared to belong to the best-of-all-possible-political worlds, the Bible-thumping, right-wing reactionary, anti-abortion-placard-carrying, pro-death-penalty, anti-gun-control Pharisees of southwest Ohio. Now I'm sure you've figured that this place couldn't get more conservative than it already was, but this race would have surprised you. These characters made Mussolini look like a leftist. Somehow the issues came down to just how much you were against abortion (as if it were a matter of degree), how pro-death penalty you were, etc. Someone even promoted himself as the MOST conservative candidate...

When he goes for his next haircut, Dad is considering asking Bill the barber for a nice, right-to-life cut...

There's so little room on the right that I can only predict that the next election will feature pistol-packing candidates exercising their right to put to death any person who has sex at all."

Man, I miss politics back home. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. Nothing compares to the Republican cookouts and the high school in-class debates with people who say things like "Women on welfare should be sterilized."... Thank you, Johnson, I'll always remember you for that.

No comments: