Monday, May 5, 2008

Live Blogging: The Bachelor London Calling: Women Tell All!

With only two women left, it's reunion time. Tonight is the night that girls cut loose, Chris Harrison proves to us how quick he is on his interviewing feet, and we fret at home over WHO MATT WILL CHOOSE.

Enter Chris "Obliterater of Love" Harrison. The crowd (and the two men in the audience) goes wild!

"Next week, we find out who he chooses to be his wife!"

WOOO!, the crowd cries nervously. Please, Chris! Assure us again that Matt really, truly, absolutely finds a wife and TRUE LOVE in America!

Recap on America's Favorite Generous Donner of Undies, Stacey:
Stacey is still orange. She says she's embarrassed, that that's not her in that first episode. That's not her passed out on the cot all drunk that night. That's not her, no sir. She gave him the panties to "stand out." "Have you tried that before and has it worked?" asks Chris. "Um, no," says Stacey.

Erin H. tell us that it was her time to put Stacey in place. Nothing like self-righteousness to set people straight!

Marshana says it didn't feel right that Stacey said: "I'm gonna kill all you bitches and your family." Marshana occasionally has very sound reasoning.

"Wise Drunk" Kelly says she likes her underwear too much to hand it out. Zing!

Chris points out that even the "seemingly normal" girls turn out to be crack jobs. Segue to...

Robin, in her uber-short Forever 21 dress, takes the hot seat after a montage of how nutso she is. She admits that she goes into super-overcompetitive mode with the girls. Chris "Freud" Harrison points out that she was maybe defensive and most likely lonely. Robin admits that she was never hated before this show.

Marshana tells Robin she was abrasive and downright mean. Again, some sound reasoning.

Amanda says the girls weren't jealous, but that they didn't think Robin had the right intentions.

Robin says she was there for the right reasons--to be loved--but not by the girls.

Kelly reassures Robin that she's not her type.

COMMERCIAL: Snoop Dogg performs on One Life to Live on Thursday and Friday! Wishing I didn't have a 9 to 5 job to keep me from this moment in daytime television history.

Chris "Captain Obvious" Harrison points out that drama surrounds Marshana.

Montage of Marshana yelling and screaming and crying. More wisdom in this clip from Kelly: Go home, Marshana. You are ridiculous.

"You got fired up!" says Chris.
Marshana says that Robin was condescending. Her issue with Chelsea was that Chelsea had made strong opinions on her character without getting to know the REAL Marshana. She adds that Robin was pushing her buttons. Robin says she doesn't know where Marshana's buttons are. Marshana "dismisses" Robin. The crowd gasps.

Amanda says that living with Marshana, Noelle and Robin, she got to know Marshana pretty well and that when Marshana does stuff like "dismissing" people, it's hard to get to know the real person. Kelly says it was intense living with Marshana while Chris quips whether or not Kelly would date Marshana if she were a dude. Zing again!

"Matt is one of our best bachelors ever!" says Chris. "Remember! He doesn't ditch two girls at the last rose ceremony!" But he did leave one girl standing in the last episode. Segue to...

Meeps Montage. All fun and games until their last date when we see Amanda in-set looking like she's holding in tears and meeps as she watches the footage roll. She does manage a laugh as she calls Matt a douchebag, and the crowd cheers.

Amanda says that she hoped that in watching the show she would learn what went wrong, but she didn't. She also says she never felt more confident than the last rose ceremony when she was sent home. She doesn't understand why Matt never addressed any concerns with her.
"If I did have all the qualities of his ideal girl," she says, "then I would have kept me." The crowd goes wild. More sadly, she adds that she thought that him not giving a rose was a prank like her hometown date. Poor Meeps.

But Chris "Emotional Manipulator" Harrison won't leave us on such a sad note!

"I've had a case of chronic hiccups for the past two years," says Amanda. "My mom says there's going to be a meeps montage!" Aaaand, she was right. Although, honestly, ABC really held out. This Meeps Montage was tamer and shorter than what I expected. I'll admit--I'm disappointed.

Looking hotter than ever!! Holy cow. Matt says he was really sad watching all the.... oh my god! look how hot he is!!! Oh, um... Listening to Amanda was really difficult. Matt says that he didn't feel "love" with Amanda. "With Chelsea... (long pause)... and Shayne it was the love word being used." (WHAT DOES THAT PAUSE MEEEEEEANNN???!!! LOOK HOW HOT HE IS!!!!!!!)

Marshana says she felt good leaving knowing that Matt would be with people like Noelle and Amanda.

Chris points out how Robin was really set on getting Matt. Matt laughs, "She was, wasn't she!!" He adds that his favorite moment was when Robin swooped in on him and Shayne all Jaws-like during their skiing date. Ahhh, memories!

And just so we can come full circle, Stacey gets the last laugh with a big pair of cotton undies. I still want to know where this girl goes to grad school in my city. Somebody please fill me in.

One-minute blooper reel makes me wish this whole hour were bloopers. Really. This is the stuff that magic is made of.

Chris asks for some insight on Matt's lady love. Matt says that he is with someone who makes him believe in fate. But the real question is which girl would make him shave his head? Shayne or Chelsea? In my opinion, this hotty-mchotterson buzz cut looks like a Shayne 'do.

Commercial: THE BACHELORETTE WITH DEANNA. Hooray! We could never be happier that Brad turned her away. We get this awesome show instead--get excited!!!

Finally, one last push from Chris "I promise never to destroy love again" Harrison that next week is "the most romantic proposal in Bachelor history." Just in case you forgot...


JT Sanders said...

Hola, I came across your blog and found the bachelor stuff to be pretty hilarious. For some weird reason i got hooked on this show and started blogging about it as well. Probably not quite in as great of detail nor nearly as funny. But i just thought i would leave a comment and let you know i enjoyed your blog!


Jennifer said...

you are awesome! i have been a closeted watcher of "the bachelor" for a few weeks now (on my laptop, i am so "anti" tv i do not even own one!) and you have captured so much of what makes this a guilty are spot on in your commentary and i will be back next week.
(dare i admit i am a fan of a blogger who writes about the bachelor? )

Caitlin said...

Hey JT, I saw that you liked Amanda in your blog entries on The Bachelor. I totally loved her and was hoping for her to pull through. This show IS strangely addicting... I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stop watching. :)

Caitlin said...

Thanks so much for the comment, Jennifer!! When it was Season Andy, my roommate and I used to make Tuesday afternoons our special "together" time to huddle together on the couch and watch the latest episode. It felt so innocently sinful, I loved it!

Anonymous said...

Can anyone tell me who made Chelsea's dress on the final. It was beautiful! For that matter I like shayne's coverup in barbados too!