For the last time, ABC gets their chance to reintroduce us to DeAnna, except this time we don't rehash that whole debacle with Brad Womack. Instead, we rehash that other debacle with poor, poor Jeremy. Tonight, it's time for the boys to meet the whole big fat Greek family--Yaya, Papoo, Windex and all!
Jason tells us he's just a regular ol' guy, a single dad, and he's so happy with DeAnna. We re-meet Ty for the fourteenth time this season, just so ABC can rehash how forward-thinking they are with their token single dad. Cue: shots of DeAnna being maternal with Ty while Jason strips off the body armor. For what it's worth--that body armor, it's everywhere. So many of these men are so damaged.
Jesse shows up to remind us that he's just a dude from the slopes, but that DeAnna takes him out of his element and he's fallen in love with her. He also drops the words "scared" and "nervous" a couple times, which are drier reminders of the sweatiness that's yet to come.
Big Fat Greek Family, Part I of II
Jason arrives to meet the immediate Pappas family and he easily impresses the whole crew. Living up to his gentlemanly standard, Jason approaches D's dad and asks for her hand in marriage. Dad says that no one has ever done that before. Hold the phone. What? What about all those rumors that Brad had Dad flown out to ask for his permission to marry DeAnna way back when? Was I the only one who heard those? Moving on...
When Jesse arrives to meet DeAnna's family, he makes introductions by palming some of his nervous sweat on everybody's hands. Not about to make things easier, Dad grills him. What are you doing beyond snowboarding? Why didn't your last relationship work out? Where are these pink shoelaces I've heard so much about? If you take my daughter away, then you better know that I'm going to hunt you down and break your snowboard over your head, dude. Jesse dry-heaves into the bushes in between takes.
After Jesse leaves, Dad and DeAnna hash out the two men. Dad says that Jason told him he was falling in love with her, so he must mean it. Jesse said the same thing, but there was something about his fluffy hair that made Dad wonder if he could really know what love is. When Dad mentions that Jesse didn't ask for DeAnna's hand, DeAnna furrows her brow in frustration. According to the Pappas family rules, men who don't grovel are not men at all.
Big Fat Greek Family, Part II of II
In addition to DeAnna's dad, sister, brother and sister-in-law, Papoo, Yaya and some other assorted family members have shown up to grill the guys...at the same time!!
This is the first of several attempts by ABC to add drama to this finale. Bringing both the guys to the family at the same time? Really, ABC? You might as well bring Jason's ex into this sitch to really make it dramatic. Maybe throw in Brad too just for some added conflict. Or, you could allow a "jilted ex-Bachelor" to come back and confront DeAn--oh, you really are going to do that? Okay.
Jesse arrives first, knowing full well he totally botched yesterday and preparing to make good today. DeAnna also hopes that Jesse isn't as nervous today because she doesn't know how she'll explain the sweats, shakes and vomiting to Yaya. Terrific touch: Jesse does not bring flowers--but he's carrying a potted plant.
Ding dong! The tension of the doorbell crackles in the air!
Jason arrives, announces that he doesn't like sharing DeAnna and secretly plots to put a heating pad under Jesse during dinner to make him sweat more.
The dinner scene consists of extremely fast edits of Jesse not knowing Greek food, Jason knowing Greek food, Jason throwing about compliments to D's family and Jesse throwing fist pounds with D's Papoo.
Jason charms Yaya to pieces, and Yaya's aside about how wonderful and good her husband is makes me tear up and stifle a sob with a big bite out of my Tostitos Hint-of-Lime chips.
Elsewhere in the World of Emotions, Jesse also brings DeAnna's sister and sister-in-law to tears by mentioning his own tears over Dee. Sister-in-law tells Jesse to rock it out and be himself, which is the best advice the dude receives throughout the entire show.
Jesse pulls Dad aside to ask for Dee's hand in marriage. Nice save, Jesse. Jesse and Dad make nice and pound it at the end of their dude-to-dude talk.
The day ends, and nobody wants to say goodbye. Jesse plays well by "tricking" Jason into taking the first limo so he can get the last kiss.
DeAnna sits down with her sisters to get their opinions. Sister thinks that Jason is more into her. Sister-in-law thinks that Jesse is closer to the same place as DeAnna. DeAnna is confused and thinks that maybe buying another swimsuit for the Bahamas will help her make her decision.
Back in the Bahamas
DeAnna barely gets to break in the new suit before some ABC producer approaches her.
"Um, hey De-ANN-a--"
"It's De-AHH-nuh!"
"Oh, right. Um, so the execs aren't too happy with the ratings of your show so far, and with it being summer scheduling and all, we need to fill two hours, plus that totally unnecessary extra hour-long After the Final Rose show. And um, we never filmed your family's ouzo-soaked Opa!'s to fill an extra five minutes, so basically we need to fill a little extra time with some conflict and we've brought a jilted ex-bachelor back."
"Is it Graham? I hope it's Graham."
"Uh, no. Graham's busy hooking up with all the girls who want to jump his bones after seeing him on national television. But we do have Jeremy."
"Is he still crying like the emasculated wuss he is?"
"Um..."
"Fine! Send him in, but make sure he's wearing really tight pants, okay? ..And bring me another swimsuit!"
Jeremy arrives to make DeAnna feel awful for her decision to send him home and gain sympathy from America. Jeremy tells DeAnna that he has been a cold person since his mom died and that after meeting DeAnna, he has changed and feels things he hasn't felt since before his mom's death. DeAnna tells him that her feelings for him should be stronger and she cannot drag him on when they're not meant to be. They exchange kisses on the cheeks and part ways. Jeremy has a breakdown outside the hotel where he secures his position as the next bachelor.
Date with Jesse: ABC Crosses Two Hit Shows to Make One Boring Date: The Bachelorette and Lost
The next day, DeAnna tries to clear her mind of all that Jeremy crap with a new swimsuit and a date with Jesse. Jesse tells us that today is either the rest of his life or his last date with Dee. I am so impressed—Dude be eloquent.
DeAnna takes Jesse to a deserted island. More or less, they just make out while Jesse's voiceover reiterates the same old same old.
Back at the hotel, Jesse gives DeAnna her present: a book for DeAnna that consists of nice thoughts and prom-pose pictures of them together on all of their dates. This brings less a revelation of Jesse's feelings for DeAnna and more of a revelation on the fact that these photos exist. Does ABC make some lowly assistant carry around a Polaroid camera to snap shots at every single date? Where did these come from? I'm so impressed.
Date with Jason: ABC Tries to Create Tension by Putting Bachelorette and Bachelor in Water With Man-Eating Sharks
On their date, Jason and DeAnna go shark diving. Did anyone else feel like this scene was practically biblical? Like, the two of them kneeling in prayer, holding hands while the sharks bump up against cameramen? This show keeps getting weirder.
After dinner, Jason gives DeAnna his gift--a board game that reenacts every moment they've shared together and spells reenact incorrectly. At first, I think this is cute. But as the "reinacted" moments keep coming, I start to feel uncomfortable, like Jason had planned this all along and the whole love reality show thing really is just a game. DeAnna, however, loves it and melts when Jason tells her he loves her.
Final Rose Ceremony
On the morning of the rose ceremony, DeAnna shows us how hard this decision is for her by wearing her glasses and not washing her hair. This MUST be tough! Oh, I guess not. DeAnna tells us she knows who she's picking.
Jason and Jesse pick out their rings. Jason sits down with ease, picks out a ring and checks his reflection, practicing faces for when DeAnna accepts his proposal. Jesse nearly spews outside the makeshift ring shop before entering For the record, I like the ring Jesse chose better.
All three get ready for the big day. DeAnna curls her hair with a straightening iron? I'm so confused. Jason poses a lot in perfect shots with the wind blowing across his face. Jesse sweats a lot and downs some Tums. Both men cry.
Chris "America's Favorite Host" Harrison walks DeAnna out to her pedestal. You know, that pedestal that she's been on since she got dumped by Brad? I'm sure you remember it. The one that no single guy seemed able to crawl up to and join her because DeAnna's expectations are so high? Yeah, that one.
The first limo pulls out, and it's: Jason! Jason tells us he's not nervous. He's excited to get started on his life with DeAnna. After rushing down the walk, Jason quickly gets down on one knee. Before he can more than "I" out, DeAnna interrupts: No, I can't.
DeAnna tells Jason that she cannot share her future with him but that she loves someone else. Jason tells DeAnna that he really did fall in love with her. DeAnna cries as she walks Jason to the limo. In the limo, Jason is at first quiet and dejected before he opens up. "Why me? I was so ready to be in love again. God I wanna fall in love, I've had a huge hole in my heart for years." Jason worries he was not adventurous and on the edge enough for DeAnna. Jason says he already feels that body armor up again and the only thing he has is Ty.
DeAnna tells us that Jesse is someone she can see herself with in the future. "Man, my stomach's in knots," Jesse tells Chris. That's pretty sweet. Jesse manages to keep down his breakfast as he walks up to DeAnna. "I never thought this process could be real and I could fall in love here, but I did. The thought of not being with you kills me. I want to spend forever with you and I truly believe you are my soulmate. DeAnna Marie Pappas, will you spend forever with me?" DeAnna says yes, they kiss and she says, "I would not be okay if you were not in my life. And I love you. I've waited so long to say that. I love you."
To carry us out, Natasha Bedingfield. Remember? We saw her at the first date? Well, just in case you forgot, ABC included it in the flashbacks. And as a final thought? "I cannot believe I'm going to marry the guy with the pink shoelaces!"
And as an aside, I did watch the After the Final Rose show but didn't really find it worth blogging--plus, I was busily painting the new apartment's living room (what, what, Cozy Cottage by Behr!). However, I did LOVE how ABC brought back Matt and Shayne to disprove all those silly rumors of monkey trouble. I'm not so sure I believe them, but it was good to see the Monkeys in addition to the Pink Shoelaces. Until next time, fill yourself with some Jesse Csincsak love by reading up on him on Purl, watching an online rerun of the time he was an MTV Made coach, this 2005 article about how Jesse helped less-well-off boarders get their chance on the slopes, or his profile on his website, which--for the record--lists girls as the number two thing that sucks.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Sweats, Sharks and Shoelaces: The Bachelorette Finale
Monday, June 23, 2008
DeAnna the Drama Mama
Phew!
I don't know about you guys, but I'm duh-rama'd out. I only saw half the show this evening as I just returned from a lovely wedding in Ohio (congratulations Allyson and Josh!). Thus, I cannot justly update until I watch the full thing tomorrow evening... after a good night's sleep for clear thoughts.
In the meantime, I highly encourage you to visit Graham's website, forwarded to me from a wonderful commenter. Many mysteries are solved. For example: Graham played basketball in Germany, not in the United States! Now you know why you never saw him before now.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Live Blogging: The Bachelorette: And Then There Were Six
I couldn't possibly recap the DeAnna Tells All hour long extravaganza. So let's just say this much:
- DeAnna, as my roommate pointed out, talked about every man but one in PAST tense. Did you notice which one?
- Sean owns too many shoes.
- I found no reason to trust Graham Man yet.
Now onto the real show. Here we all are--six men, DeAnna, Chrissy boy Harrison, and America. Chris tells us that no roses will be given on any of the dates this time, but good news! We're all going to beautiful Palm Springs!
Jesse thanks DeAnna profusely for having given so much thought and slaving over the phone to make all these wonderful arrangements for all of them! DeAnna is so thoughtful to have pitied their poor souls and given them a real house. Poor Jesse, just like Pinnochio. Aw, snap! says Jesse.
Date with Sean
Sean, let's take our relationship to new heights!
Sean says he's a Kentucky race horse. He hung back, and now he's ready to make his move to win the race. To start off their date, DeAnna and Sean go up a sheer cliff in a Willy Wonka machine. For having survived the journey, they get to have dinner at the top of the mountain. If Sean fairs well enough through dinner, DeAnna will invite him back to her suite for dessert. Sean will undoubtedly see this as something like the garland of roses at the end of the Derby, and he'll trot around happily with his new coif.
At dinner, Sean tells DeAnna he never took a risk in the love department before because it's scary you can get hurt. He also confuses his Kentucky race horse metaphor, adding that he's like the race horse who would rather walk around with a loaded gun than no gun at all. It's times like these I wish that Chris would return and explain everything to us.
DeAnna invites Sean back to her suite. Sean says it's time for him to make his move.
DeAnna tells us that Sean has a lot to offer. Sean tells DeAnna that if she came to his hometown, the whole process would be over for her. Sean complains to DeAnna about how tough it is to see her on other one-on-one dates. They snuggle in the hammock while DeAnna says she needed tonight to get to know him. Sean calls DeAnna baby a lot while he licks his lips in between kisses. Flashes of Top Chef?
Generic "We're Having Fun in the Sun" Group Date
Jesse
Jason
Graham
Twigs
Poor, poor Twigs. He tells us that he's having a really tough time. Each time he thinks he's got something figured out, DeAnna throws him another curve ball. He doesn't understand her decisions.
When a helicopter shows up, all the guys are burned to discover it's meant specially for Twigs and DeAnna. It's just the chance Twigs needed! Except that Twigs gets motion sickness. Twigs thinks there's a conspiracy among the ABC producers who want him to throw up on her. I'm inclined to agree with him.
Out in some unknown desert where the 'copters drop them off, the boys and DeAnna ride ATVs. DeAnna explains that riding 4-wheelers is what happens back home. Like, some people eat dinner, others go to the movies, but in DeAnnaville, we ride all-terrain vehicles. Duh.
(Back at the house, Jeremy shows off his abs. End scene.)
Twigs is off by himself on the 4-wheelers. DeAnna thought that Jesse was hot because of the way he "manhandled" his 4-wheeler. Um, except for that time that he wiped out and some female on-site producer half-heartedly asks if he's okay. Then, poor Twigs get left behind while everyone else goes to play in the pool.
Emotions run in different directions at the pool party. Graham can't wait to have some more fun. Jason thinks he gets lost in the crowd. Towels get totally soaked because probably that same lackadaisical on-site producer left them lying right next to the water.
DeAnna and Jason talk about what it would be like to meet Jason's family. Good feelings are shared, and DeAnna says that Jason has all the qualities she looks for in someone to be her husband.
Jesse breaks up Jason and DeAnna with a strange cut-in where Jason kisses DeAnna goodbye while Jesse drags her away.
Jesse and DeAnna hold hands under the table, and DeAnna confesses how much she wishes Jesse would kiss her. Jesse freaks out and doesn't go for it. Jason tells Graham how Jesse was "that guy" who cut in on his time. Graham subsequently gets up to, um, be "that guy."
Jason continues to muse with Twigs. "Do you not see the connection between Graham and DeAnna?" Smart man.
Graham drags DeAnna to cuddle into a hammock, which really can't be too comfortable. Rope burn. Graham talks a lot. "You're going on a road trip! You're going to like my family! My family is going to like you! You won't believe it!" DeAnna pouts her lips, bats her eyelashes and bites her lower lip in attempts to snag more make out time with her favorite make out man. She succeeds.
Frank Sinatra Date with Jeremy
DeAnna gets to drive them in a vintage convertible to Frank Sinatra's house that he shared with Ava Gardner. Um, I am impressed. Nice work, ABC.
DeAnna cranks on the old recording studio and then proceeds to sin in the house of Blue Eyes with a blasphemed rendition of The Way You Look Tonight. Jeremy offers repentance to Old Blue Eyes.
Back at the vacation house, Twigs comments on how Jeremy is a mutant who can do anything. Anything except sing, apparently.
Over their dinner, Jeremy tells DeAnna there's nothing he can see in her that he doesn't like. DeAnna tells us she feels very loved by Jeremy, and that she wants very badly to fall in love with him.
They get in their swimmies together so that Jeremy can show off his abs more. We sit and watch as DeAnna and Jeremy gnaw on each other's lips.
Rose Ceremony with NO COCKTAIL PARTY!!!!
Uh oh. The boys notice something is different this time. "Everytime we roll in, she's sitting on the couch!" says Jesse. Indeed.
Chris "Sorry, Bro" Harrison tells the guys that DeAnna's mind is made up and there will be no cocktail party tonight. Jeremy gets worried. No cocktails?! What?! Twigs sits easy since he knows what's up for him, although he does seem disappointed he doesn't get a few free scotches for the road.
DeAnna comes out, says thank you and explains that she is trying not to lead them on like was done to her. (You know, just in case you forgot what happened to her.)
Roses:
- Jeremy
- Jason
- Graham
- Jesse
Sean says that DeAnna is the type of woman he can propose to, that he put himself out there but he didn't get his horse in gear early enough. Oh, honey. Some pasture out there has the right filly for you.
Twigs says that just because you open up doesn't mean that the girl will fall in love with you. He says he just has to be Twilley, gives DeAnna a lot of unnecessary reassurance and encouragement and sets on his way to be Twigs wherever he goes.
Next week, Jesse's back in his element! Jeremy's family beats up on DeAnna! Ty likes DeAnna! Everything is great with Graham--except for his mom! No relationship has lasted longer than four weeks?! How shocking! I cannot wait!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Fred's a popular gent
Looks like there's a lot of interest in Fred (Greif) of Chicago. Anonymous poster, you have some competition--at least on Craigslist's Missed Connections. And just an FYI, according to Above the Law, Fred's not an attorney. He got his law degree (thus, he's a "lawyer," according to AtL) but never got a legal job and teaches gym at a Catholic school in Chicago. Expand the post for just a few of the Missed Connections posted for Fred today. This man's going to be busy.
Get in line ladies!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Live Blogging: The Bachelorette, Episode 4
Chris "Doo Wop, Baby!" Harrison makes an uncharacteristic appearance at the beginning of the episode, explaining that the men will have to write songs for DeAnna. Whoever's song she likes best, gets to go on a one-on-one date. Remember TV Guide's write-up of this episode: "DeAnna accuses the nine remaining bachelors of refusing to take the competition seriously, but first she invites them to compete in a singing contest.”
The men rise to (and shrink from) the challenge.
Fred: "Oh. My. Gad." The Chicago boy performs a southern song.
Graham: "I want to eat glass instead of doing this."
Top Chef: Thoroughly impressed with his own singing.
Jeremy: White man rapping.
Jason: Hunter S. Thompson beat poetry.
Brian: "House of my pay-yay-yannnnne!!"
Jesse wins best song and is awarded the one-on-one date because he touched DeAnna's hands.
This week, Top Chef, Jason, and Fred all move into the mansion with DeAnna.
Jesse and DeAnna's Date with Natasha Bedinfield
Jesse is NERVOUS. He has to wear a suit jacket, a tie, and his mom isn't even driving them to the prom this year.
Jesse and DeAnna pull up to an old theater where the marquee reads: "Jesse, One night only... Just for you... Love, Deanna."
Jesse thinks everything is "out of control": Deanna, the marquee, the theater, even the table in front of the stage. Somebody get that table under control!
DeAnna makes Jesse recite his poem-song, "DeAnna." Jesse gets down to business and says he thought he'd be the last guy to come on TV and fall in love (which is obvi why he signed up for The Bachelor), but that's exactly what he has experienced. DeAnna says she usually isn't attracted to his "type," but she is because he is so real with her. DeAnna gives Jesse a rose, and then Natasha Bedingfield shows up to serenade the happy couple.
Group Date at the Stock Car Races!
The men, naturally, freak out at the site of fast cars. Vroom! Vroom! The men put on their matching Top Gun outfits. For their challenge, whoever races the fastest, gets some one-on-one time! Nothing like speeding to prove love.
Brian's up first. Trouble getting that car in gear, but he tops 140 miles.
Jason hits 138.77.
Graham, true Manhattanite, hasn't driven a car in so long, but he hits more than 136.
Jeremy says he'll go to hell and back for DeAnna, but he only hits 129.
Twigs has motion sickness and doesn't like speeding, but he tops Brian with 140.59.
Sean, a natural Bluegrass boy, tops everybody and wins.
Sean and DeAnna lay back in the in-field where Sean lets DeAnna take the sunshine in her eyes while he complains that he's afraid he's losing. DeAnna reveals she lived in Campbellsville, Kentucky, and Sean is thrilled that they have that bluegrass connection, that redneck connection and that roughneck competition. DeAnna laughs and I squirm around uncomfortably, wondering if Sean's martial arts outfits feature big Confederate flags on their backs. Sean continues the racing metaphor, "In the race for DeAnna's heart, I was lagging, but I think I'm catchin' up."
DeAnna hits the track too and shows the men up, hitting 141.62 mph. Sean is REALLY excited about this. With the fumes of burning rubber and diesel in the air, the whole crew sits down for a post-race picnic. Jeremy, as usual, pulls DeAnna aside. The men are, as usual, pissed. Graham cuts in, and the men get upset again. Jason--wise father that he is--sees through the DeAnna/Graham situation, saying that Graham doesn't have to work as hard as the other men to prove that he is there for DeAnna.
Meanwhile, trouble in paradise. When DeAnna asks for a kiss, Graham says he doesn't want to be one of the bunch, looking meaningfully at the bouquet of flowers on the table between them. DeAnna tells us she doesn't think Graham is being very fair and that she feels a strong connection with Graham (or to his perfect, basketball player body and that just-right rugged stubble on his angled face), but that he's the one person not putting himself out there.
DeAnna gives Sean a rose while Twigs looks on with fire in his eyes. Jason says he feels lie he's lost his connection with DeAnna. Brian says he feels like he's on the outside of this house, looking in. (This deep metaphor is why I love Brian.) Twigs is, um, upset too.
Impromptu Coach House Party/Drama Fest
The boys decide to throw a non-rose related party and invite the mansion gentlemen and DeAnna down to celebrate. As a joke, the coach house men set up a kiddie table for the mansion men, labeling Top Chef's place marker with "Robbie." Top Chef freaks out, throws an innocent kiddie (chair) over his head, stamps on the chef's hat provided for him and then retreats to the house to sulk.
DeAnna is angered by what she sees with the men here. Brian's comfortable with being just one of the guys. Sean is back to his old ways. Top Chef is sulking and drinking out a bottle of wine. Twilley is being Twilley.
DeAnna confronts the moping Top Chef, who reveals that other guys told him not to be optimistic about tonight. DeAnna finally cracks, making Bachelorette history:
"Right now I should be the happiest person in the world, and you're all breaking my heart!" she begins. "Do you all feel good about that? I came down here today wanting to hang out with all y'all. If you don't wanna be here, go home. I know how hard this is, and I've been here in your position, but now I'm the one making the decisions and that's not easy too. This is not fair. I can't make promises to you that I can't keep." She stamps her foot. "I'm going to my house now, you guys can all stay here and hang out."
The men awkwardly half-follow her, but let her go. Jeremy astutely explains to everyone what just happened, while Graham, Twigs and Brian blame themselves.
2-on-1 Date at a Some ABC Producer's Mansion in the Hills of Hollywood
"I have a bunch of recipes for love," Top Chef sleazes at the camera. "Smooth, rich, succulent. Grrrrrrowwwllllll!"
I take a quick break to clean up whatever allergic reaction I just had to Top Chef's recipe.
DeAnna begins the evening with a simple question: What was your most romantic date? Robert lunges into an epic story of how he chartered a helicopter tour of Vegas for his ex-fiancee, ordered a bazillion roses to be thrown about their hotel room and spell "I Love You," and how he bought a small island with his life's savings just to prove his love. Fred tells DeAnna about a jaunt up to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin that he took with his girlfriend.
Top Chef Alone Time
"I'm a big believer in the passionate side of the relationship," Top Chef slobbers. "Can I kiss you?"
"Um, how about right here?" DeAnna diverts the kiss to her cheek.
Top Chef knows she's into him. "I can feel that. I can read people."
DeAnna: What do you do if there's a problem in a relationship?
Robert: I dump the broad and turn on my super-tongue radar to find another girl to tongue. I am, uh, puh-retty awesome.
DeAnna: Um, okay.
Robert, off camera: There's a connection. We can both feel it.
Fred's Alone Time
Fred thinks the more time he gets with DeAnna, the more he could actually fall for this girl. (Um, shouldn't you have already fallen for her?) Fred wants DeAnna to know that he's just here for her. Like everyone else. Fred says he knows DeAnna has a lot going on in her heart, but he asks her to leave a little part of it for him.
Back at the house, the men are happy they're not on this date. Jeremy describes some complicated math about how Dude A could be half the man that Dude B is, but DeAnna might have two times the amount of attraction to Dude A than she does to Dude B. And if you take the square root of that amount, and then find its derivative and graph it, you'll find that the curve on the graph looks a lot like Jeremy's profile.
Back at some ABC exec's house, DeAnna quickly and painlessly tells Robert that he is not getting the rose. Robert raises his eyebrows, tells us he's not used to rejection and cannot believe he misread their connection.
DeAnna returns to tell Fred how amazing he is, what a big heart he has, and what a good head he has on his shoulders, but that she does not see forever with them. She drops the B-word again (psst! It's "Brad!") and that she cannot lead him on. She doesn't want to hurt him because she thinks he's one of the best men there. Fred, very sweetly, says it's okay and that he wants her to have the very best and, when she apologizes again, that she can't feel anything different than what she's supposed to.
Back at the house, the boys watch as ABC homeboy comes in and grabs both sets of bags. Everyone freaks out.
Jason is the only men left at the mansion, so he greets DeAnna with open arms when she comes home. Even I want to melt into his arms and tell him how hard my day was. Jason says he really felt great being able to comfort to her.
Cocktail Party
The men are shakin' in their boots about yesterday's dramas. Sean is wearing a zoot suit for confidence.
The men quiz Jason about what happened when she got home from her dates. Jesse downs Scotch when he hears how well things went for Jason. The other men glare.
Brian pulls DeAnna aside to try to tell her how much he cares about her. Jesse, channeling his inner-eighth grader, watches at the window and whispers to the guys that Brian is holding DeAnna's hand.
Twigs makes a last ditch effort to show DeAnna that he cares for her.
Graham tries to make amends. "I don't verbalize things very well," says Graham. Understatement of the series! DeAnna says she doesn't want to be confused about why he's here. Graham, prompted by the producers who are holding up cue cards to help him, says: "I'm... uh.... here for... uh, wait, hold it up higher...I'm here for.... you. Oh, right! I'm here for you!" He smiles. DeAnna melts at these words, grabs Graham's face and starts chowing down on it.
Meanwhile, my roommate and I shout at the TV that Graham is that guy that is going to hurt her and she's only trying to make things work between them! But that we know he's so hot, so it's okay, we understand what she's going through. We can sense it through the TV.
DeAnna decides to take the edge off the party with a pool party. They all have a great time until Chris "Not Even Floaties Can Save You" Harrison comes to break up the party.
Rose Ceremony
Chris "I Pity the Foo' Who Goes Home" Harrison tells the guys he understands what the men are going through and how rough it's been, so that's why all the good boys were rewarded with a pool party. Next time, they may get cookies and an extra recess. But no promises.
Roses:
Poor Silver Fox Brian gets sent home. Did she forget his song!?!! The House of My Pay-yay-yayannnne!!! I l personally loved it. Brian says he was disappointed because he had so much to look forward to with DeAnna, that she is beautiful, thoughtful and self-assured. Brian says he is a better person because of the time he spent here, but that he recognizes that he got too chummy with other guys.
Next week, more pool parties! Overnight adventures in Palm Springs! Sean and Graham make out with DeAnna in hammocks! Not at the same time! DeAnna tells all! Already???
Why I Love The Bachelorette
Taken from TVGuide’s description of tonight’s episode: “DeAnna accuses the nine remaining bachelors of refusing to take the competition seriously, but first she invites them to compete in a singing contest.”
Monday, June 2, 2008
What will we do without his wisdom?
Science nerd upset! Ellen DeGeneres! Ron's know-how!
I've been a busy bee, but I promise that my update is coming soon. Is there a logic to DeAnna's decisions? I'm still not so sure, but I do know one thing. Actually three things--and Ron taught me them:
1. The cream always rises to the top.
2. Where there's smoke, there's fire.
3. Sometimes, the tree gets knocked down before it bears its fruit.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Live Blogging: The Bachelorette, Episode 2
It's true, I went on vacation. While I did enjoy eating those honeyish buttery rolls at O'Charleys Monday night, I did miss The Bachelorette. Thankfully, I'm back with midweek insight on the show that the rest of America saw on Monday.
Just in case we forgot who DeAnna Pappas is and how badly she got her heart broken (and America's too, don't forget), ABC reminds us: "America watched as DeAnna Pappas fell in love with Brad Womack... AND THEN HE BROKE HER HEART." One new insight I have from this scene is how great DeAnna's pink lipstick is--love it!
But DeAnna's back, and tonight (or Monday night, if you're counting) the guys bunk!, limos!, virgins!, and SINGING!!
Chris "Hey Dudes!" Harrison sets down the basic ground rules, announcing to what seems like the surprise of the men that they might be sent home. Somebody should have filled them in. They all look so disappointed.
The three first impression roses (Jeremy, Richard and Jesse) get to move in with DeAnna. Ron is SHOCKED by how much first impressions matter. Again, someone should have filled him in.
DeAnna tells us that living with three guys will be very intimate. And just to remind us that ABC and The Bachelorette are worthy of our time, she tells us that she does believe that this is the best way to find love. Meanwhile, the other 12 men find their bunk beds. Paul demonstrates what gyrating on the top bunks will look like, and Twigs laughs about "shrinkage," and then proceeds to scratch himself.
Do You Believe in Magic? Date, or The Creepy Castle That Had Something to do with Cards and Pianos
- Jason
- Ryan
- Twigs
- Sean
- Paul
- Fred
- Richard
DeAnna leads the boys to their own private magic room. The magician mispronounces DeAnna's name, and we all giggle. The magician makes Jason and DeAnna disappear to scattered applause. Everyone is confused. Especially Ryan.Jason says he is very lucky to get this creepy one-on-one time. DeAnna and Jason bond over music, food and other boring subjects while I think this whole scene is very Wizard of Oz-ish. I just want to yell to the other bachelors to look behind the curtain!
Jason and DeAnna return before Jason can open up about his son. Ryan worries about what sinful things happened behind that curtain.
Sean and DeAnna get some alone time together, but a magic piano mocks Sean's attempts at conversations. Sean's brow gets so sweaty it reflects lights. A few guys try to impress guys with magic tricks, Twigs puts on a play that apparently never ended. That more or less ended the showtime.
Richard tells us he was surprised he got invited to the house--he must have missed that the men who got first impression roses got invited to her mansion. He subsequent makes her a paper rose, which is pretty sweet.
Twigs and the other men argue about his intentions. Ryan especially digs into him, and I'm glad I never have to have an argument with this football player.
Ryan subsequently tells DeAnna he sets himself apart by not speeding, not cursing, and more or less just being more perfect than she could ever be. She says she will corrupt him.
Paul and Fred, who I cannot tell apart, pull DeAnna aside. Paul tells DeAnna that despite the fact he's 23, he's ready to get married. He's so ready, in fact, that he already has been engaged. Paul continues to say that there is no price to love while he gives DeAnna a big hug. Fred pulls heavily from his rum and Coke and tries to look away. No big surprise that Paul gets the rose.
Back at the couch house the next morning, Paul gets naked for all the other men. That's about it.
One-on-One Date with Graham at the Beach
DeAnna says that Graham is smoking hot. They hold hands and stroll down the shoreline. Some producers thought that either DeAnna or Graham would know how to fly a kit. Unfortunately, neither do.They move onto better things, like juicy details about Graham's past. Graham says he'd never been in love until his last relationship. DeAnna is scared by this and says she knows what she wants and that she doesn't want to be left crying again.
Conversation starts to dwindle and DeAnna warns Graham to either feel it or get out. Graham responds that love is special when it should be cultivated. I wonder whether the word "cultivated" has ever hit primetime ABC before.
Back at the house, the guys talk sex. I wish Sue Johanson would stop by. Ryan reminds us that he planned on being different from everyone else in his life, and he is a virgin. There are some mumblings of "dude!" but the men move on.
Meanwhile, Graham and DeAnna perfect roasing marshmallows and have some more heavy talk about love. DeAnna offers Graham his rose and pins it to his North Face fleece, and all is well in the world.
Twigs and Jason have a bro heart-to-heart about whether or not Twigs should stalk up to the mansion and jump out at DeAnna. Graham and DeAnna have a nice goodbye where he pecks her on the cheek. No sooner does DeAnna start toward the house than Twigs bolts out of the bushes at her and confesses who he is in five minutes... kind of. This goes about as well as everyone expected.
Graham returns to the coach house where he kisses and tells, Brian--that silver fox from Texas--gets jealous, and Graham drinks out of three cups at once?
A Diamond is a Girl's Best Friend: Baseball date!
- Chris
- Jeremy
- Brian
- Jesse
- Eric
- Ron
- Top Chef Robert
The lady and the men head out to Dodgers Stadium, which is exciting enough, but DeAnna has one more surprise "for y'all!" It's Tommy Lasorda!? Brian explains to me who he is. Tommy gives the men a good talk, accompanied by the soundtrack from Field of Dreams, which culminates in everyone shouting, "I BELIEVE!"
Chris delivers a rendition of the National Anthem that we've been promised is "the most embarassing moment." Not in Bachelorette history. Not in TV history. Just ever. The most embarassing moment ever. That's too bad for Chris.
The men hit "home runs" to compete for DeAnna's one-on-one time. The "home runs" land somewhere in mid-field. Jeremy hits 6 home runs, while Chris a former minor leaguer, strikes out. Chris is having a really rough time today at Dodgers Stadium.
Jeremy and DeAnna get their one-on-one time in the dugout. Jeremy reveals that both of his parents have passed away and talks about what his parents meant to him. DeAnna appreciates his honesty and relates with him on the subject. America gets choked up.
Everyone eats hot dogs and drinks wine. Eric talks a lot about being Greek. Brian tell us he has only just now "figured himself out" and because of that he doesn't have a lot of experience with the ladies.
Back at the house, Jason decides to reveal to four of the men that he has a son. I'm still not sure I understand why he told these guys before DeAnna.
Tommy tells DeAnna to read faces, look in a crystal ball, and jump around the bases four times while rubbing the chalk lines on her face, and then (and only then!) will she know who to choose for the rose. He slaps her on the butt, spits out some tobacco juice and sends her on her way. Good talk, Tommy!
DeAnna takes Jeremy aside for some one-on-one time. ABC devilishly airs the alone time on the Jumbotron, fueling a fire of hate against Jeremy. Jesse hurls a baseball bat. Chris pouts about how his minor league experience should have gotten him a rose. ABC later puts on fireworks for the whole crew.
Coming up next, Everyone hates Jeremy! (It's just like "Everbody hates Robin" all over again.)
Cocktail Party
Everyone does hate Jeremy. He has a second rose and has already started decorating the guest bath in DeAnna's mansion. Some of the men turn on DeAnna, demanding to know why she gave a second rose to Jeremy. She tells them to stop whining.
Twigs is afraid that DeAnna doesn't have "a case of the Twillies going on." Twigs tries to redeem his coup on her. Jeremy cuts in on Twigs, stealing DeAnna away.
Ron is mad with Jeremy and rats out his bro for stealing DeAnna from Twigs. Dude be catty.
Jeremy reveals the special foreign language secret he told DeAnna when he first met her: "I came here to meet you, especially for you." Of course, they make out.As Jeremy returns to the party, he has (as Jesse says) "haters." Top Chef suggests that Jeremy isn't real to the camera, Ron pisses and moans some more. Meanwhile Ryan "I never swear or speed or do anything bad" calls Jeremy a BEEEEEEEP, which is a word I can't quite discern but I'm guessing is one of those "curses" that he doesn't say.
Push up competition! Twigs has twigs for arms. Jesse wins, despite his poor form. At one-on-one time, Jesse describes how he wants to be like "Uncle Jesse" from Full House. He wants to make PB&Js and be the cool family member.
Chris "Jesse, You Don't Have to Stand Up For Me" Harrison comes in to cut the party short. It's Rose Ceremony time.
Roses
- Paul
- Graham
- Jeremy
- Ron
- Jesse
- Top Chef
- Brian
- Jason
- Fred
- Sean
- Richard
- Twigs
Going Home:
Eric says he brings a lot to the table--mainly Greek food.
Chris is pissed that DeAnna doesn't have it all figured out.
Ryan says he's one of the most honest and most genuine persons she'll ever meet. He was voted friendliest eighth grader and exits with: "That's a joke."
DeAnna takes a moment to herself before returning to the rest of her men.
Next week, confrontations!, injuries!, confessions!, and most importantly, COWBOY HATS!
Yeeeehawwww!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Live Blogging: The Bachelorette, Episode 1
We all remember way back when (like, October), when America's collective heart broke--when Brad Womack left DeAnna Marie Pappas at the rose alter. With the whips of the ABC higher-ups cracking on their backs, the producers at The Bachelor and Chris "I promise I'll never hurt you again, baby" Harrison made right in the world. First, they brought us Matt "I'm chuffed to be here" Grant. Then, they gave Matt the hottest haircut on this side of the pond.
Finally, to really set things straight, they brought back America's straight-shooting brunette sweetheart: DeAnna "DeAnna Bo BeAnna Banana Fanna Fo FeAnna Fee Fi Mo MeAnna DeAnna!" Pappas.
ABC opens with a recollection of DeAnna's moments with Brad. Instead of watching that, here's a better recap from a fan on YouTube with just a little bit more editorializing:
That was then. And this is now! DeAnna's ready for love!
"Brad broke my friends' hearts, he broke my family's hearts, he broke America's hearts," DeAnna tells Chris. DeAnna! You know me, don't you? He broke MY heart!
DeAnna can't wait to have guys falling for her. And just for the record, she's not too young at 26 for marriage. "I believe in this show," says D. "I did fall in love. This time around, I know that in the end I'll be standing there smiling with someone who's going to spend their life with me. A fairy tale ending."
"Hi, I'm Chris "Bringin' Back the Love" Harrison, and men across America wanted to give DeAnna all that she deserved." Apparently these men emailed ABC and told the producers to give them a shot at love with Tila Teq--I mean, DeAnna Pappas.
Potential Bachelor Montage: Creepily all the men are in the same hotel rooms as they get ready for the cocktail party.
Before the guys arrive, Chris and DeAnna have a little heart-to-heart. It's moments like these that I wish Chris and I could have our own heart-to-heart. He really boosts a girl's confidence.
CHRIS: Welcome back, DeAnna! Last time, there was a lot of heartache, wasn't there? You remember how we've already talked about how much Brad sucks like a bajillion times, right? And he sucks.
DEANNA: Yes, Chris. He does suck. But I know that this process works.
CHRIS: You're sincere!
DEANNA: Oh yes, I am! Everything happens for a reason!
CHRIS: Let me compliment you a little bit differently. You're a real family girl aren't you? What does this mean to your family?
DEANNA: They're so supportive, they love me, and they're so happy!
CHRIS: Fantastic! But let's talk about the hard times again. That was tough for them too, right?
DEANNA: Oh, yes, Chris. It was really hard on them.
CHRIS: Were they reluctant?
DEANNA: My brother and daddy were looking out for me, but they're the men in my life, so who can blame them AND I've got 25 men waiting to date me, so who cares?
CHRIS: What do you want from these men tonight?
DEANNA: First impressions are important to me, and I want a guy that makes me nervous. (Little does she know how many of these guys are so nervous they're falling over themselves while sitting in the limo.)
CHRIS: What kind of guy are you looking for?
DEANNA: Someone who is caring, respects me, can make me laugh, not a wallflower.
CHRIS: Someone who knows what they want? *nudge nudge*
DEANNA: Yes! *wink*
CHRIS: How will this turn out?
DEANNA: I believe this is my fairy tale ending!
Now, time to meet the men.
Brian from Texas, HS Football Coach, 31, Fort Worth, TX : Brian tells DeAnna that this moment is why he's doing the show!
Paul, Sales Manager, Alberta, Canada, 23 : Short and sweet, twirls DeAnna and I hold my breath waiting for her to trip over that long gold ball gown
Graham, Professional basketball player (really?), Raleigh, NC, 29 : Scruffy, awkward, nervous.
Sean, Martial Arts instructor, Crestwood, KY, 33 : Rocking a floppy 'do, flies through introductions. Awks again.
Richard, Science teacher, Sauquiot, NY, 27 : "You're a vision!" The self-professed science nerd is by far the least awkward man of the night. Ouch.
Jason, Account executive, Kirkland, WA, 31: Heartfelt story about his son makes us love him and/or feel obligated to love him. Greets DeAnna with some Greek saying, but isn't Greek. He just travels there.
Spero, Actor, Santa Monica, CA, 38 : Glasses, big smile. Spero will later provide the play-by-plays of the evening. (ex: DeAnna's over there! That guy did this! We're going over here! Touchdown!)
Jesse, Pro snowboarder, 30 Breckinridge, CO : Jesse rolled in paint before arriving at the Bachelor set.
Jon, Resort manager Surfside Beach, SC, 31: Has already told us how much he loves his blond-tipped hair. That's really all we need to know.
Chris, Medical Sales, Dallas, TX, 29: Big and Tall Shop.
Interior shot of the cocktail party:
"I've never been so nervous before!"
"No, I've never been more nervous!"
"My heart rate is out of control!"
"Mine was faster!"
"No mine!"
Brian from Indiana, Computer Network Consultant, New Castle, IN, 29: Also twirls DeAnna, unfortunately, this has already been done.
Jeffrey, Math teacher, Orlando, FL, 27: Cute, not awkward, told us that his mom was glad Brad turned down DeAnna because now he gets to meet her.
Donato, Sales Rep, Charleston, SC, 26: DeAnna spins him before he gets a chance to spin her.
Ryan, Professional football player, Lakeville, MN, 28: Former Minnesota Viking tells us that he is a virgin, doesn't swear, and is extremely faithful. He tells DeAnna: 1. I'm always smiling and laughing. 2. I'm strong in my faith.
Twilley, Debt manager, Tulsa, OK, 33: Twiggy is so nervous he tells DeAnna: You're really sparkly! and then attempts to shake her hand.
Limo break:
Things are so awkward at this point that even Chris is laughing! "You've already met 15 boys," says Chris. "Men!" cries DeAnna. Let's say the ratio was something like 2 boys to every 1 man.
Ron, Barber, Kansas City MO, 36: Ron's been through a divorce and believes love finds us. He also forgets his coat in the car.
Patrick, Financial analyst, Glenwood, IL, 26: One word: FLOPPY. Still kind of cute.
Luke the Oyster Farmer, Folly Beach, SC, 27: Has repeatedly told us: "I'm just an oyster farmer."
Eric, Senior analyst, Boston, 31: Originally from Greece (bonus points!), speaks Greek to her.
Robert, Chef, San Francisco, 28: DeAnna spins him and he tries salsa dancing with her. He is bright red.
Ahh. It's all so uncomfortable that my stomach is churning.
Chandler Insurance Rep, Spotsylvania, VA, 25: Poses like a statue on his way out of the car. Really? Toooool bag.
Greg, Personal trainer, NYC, 28: Tells DeAnna she looks like he's been working out. Um, fantastic.
Fred, Lawyer, Chicago, 30: Ummm, Daaaa Beeeeears!!!!
Patrick, Internet Marketer, Elmhurst, IL, 27: Who?
Jeremy, Real estate agent, Dallas, TX, 30: Hello, Keanu Reeves.
Now, onto the cocktail party!
Chris: This night is going to let you forget all about Brad!
DeAnna: Who?!
America giggles together at their inside joke. Brad hides under a bar counter somewhere.
Tonight, there are 3 first impression roses instead of one.
The very first impression rose goes to Keanu "Jeremy" Reeves.
Jason grabs DeAnna for one-on-one time. They bond over traveling. They both like to travel! They also both like sunshine, music, and not having their skin burned with lasers.
Ryan of Christian/Viking Football Fame grabs DeAnna and brings her outside. As Spero, our referee for the evening, notes, Ryan "blows it" by not giving her his jacket and hogs the blanket. Spero throws in an assist by bringing his jacket to her.
Ron tells DeAnna that he's still a little nervous and that his ex-wife brought him to Kansas City, which I don't fully understand. She's in Kansas City, and that's why he went there? Or she was somewhere else, and he went to Kansas City to get away from her? Or are there kids? I don't know.
Chris gets real and admits he cheated once before in his life. DeAnna appreciates this honesty.
Top Chef Robert decides to cook for her and then asks blond-tipped Jon to get out of his way.
"I'm just an oyster farmer," says the Oyster Farmer again. "I am so intimidated by these other men." It turns out that Mr. I'm Just an Oyster Farmer also surfs and teaches. He also gives her a pearl necklace.
Top Chef makes crab dip with garlic. Bad, bad idea, Top Chef. Garlic on a first date? No way.
"He gave her crabs!" yells Donato.
Chris comes in just to remind us of our mortality, but introduces Jenni to the crowd. Jenni and DeAnna are apparently close friends now, and she's here to help her dear friend DeAnna.
Jenni conducts grueling interviews that involve heartfelt honesty, confessions and dancing.
Science nerd Richard takes DeAnna aside, gives her a fake diamond. DeAnna says she's impressed by him.
Jenni's inquisition continues. Donato asks Jenni to sit on his lap. As my roommate notes, Miami Vice asks for their shirt back.
Eric and DeAnna bond over their Greek ancestry. (As a girlfriend of a Greek man, I can attest to how long this conversation can last.)
Jesse wants DeAnna to remember him for more than just his different-colored jacket--but if the jacket doesn't hurt, then that's fine too. Jesse says he wants to avoid the bloggers about DeAnna and find out. Ouch, Jesse. Where's the love, dude?
Like a good Laurel and Hardy scene, martial arts Sean and snowboarder Jesse perform some physical comedy as Sean kicks a lemon off Jesse's head. Ha cha cha!
Jenni and DeAnna gossip while DeAnna asks for her favorite picks. Jenni would choose Grant, Jesse, and Jason as her three first impression roses.
DeAnna gives Jesse a second first impression rose to Jesse, not because of his jacket or dealing with almost getting kicked in the head, but for his personality.
Twiggy is totally crazy, jumping around and yelling at the camera.
"Some of these guys are acting like idiots," says Personal Trainer Greg. "And Greg doesn't need to do this!" Note: Speaking in third person > Acting like an idiot
Chandler performs a duck call for DeAnna. Brian from Indiana interrupts. Subsequently, a fight breaks out between Chandler and Brian--a dirty fight that involves ducks, an ab-buster and lots of broken egos.
Paul from Canada says he's reppin his home country. O, Canada!
Paul asks if jumping in the pool will get him the final first impression rose.
"If you get in that pool tonight--" says DeAnna.
"I'll get a rose?" says Paul.
"--you'll catch pneumonia," says DeAnna.
Paul jumps in anyway, strips down on his way out, revealing that he has "DEANNA" written on the back of his Speedo.
Graham pulls DeAnna aside and she says he's easy to look at. Graham is a professional basketball player, an investment banker (?), an investor of bars (?), but he's actually in the process of founding a charity. Huh?
Last first impression rose goes to Richard. Richard says he was picked on in high school, wins America's hearts.
Chris Harrison sits down for some girl chat with DeAnna. "Let's talk about these guys!" Quick recap: Ryan was nervous, says DeAnna. Jason was easy to talk to; Eric is hopefully more than just Greek; Luke is sweet; Ron was serious and was divorced; Chandler with his duck call and Brian with his abs did not turn her on. Sean got Deanna's attention by almost knocking out another guy. Paul had my name on his booty! says DeAnna.
Chris "Playing with the Big Boys" Harrison introduces the men to their first rose ceremony.
Roses:
* Jeremy
* Richard
* Jesse
* Ron
* Graham
* Eric
* Robert
* Sean
* Ryan
* Chris
* Paul
* Fred
* Twiggy
* Jason
* Brian (TX)
Luke tells us he's just a country boy. He'll go home.
Chandler doesn't think he got to show his true self. He had like, a WHOLE song to play on that duck caller.
Greg will not compromise. Maybe he wasn't attractive enough, maybe he was too rebellious, BUT he will rise from the ashes. He then howls like a coyote. Fantastic.
Looking forward to this season, beaches! baseball! bathing suits! Ellen! drama! Christian dude swearing after he said he didn't swear! Carriages! Fairy tale endings!
I, for one, cannot wait.