Monday, June 16, 2008

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette: And Then There Were Six

I couldn't possibly recap the DeAnna Tells All hour long extravaganza. So let's just say this much:

  • DeAnna, as my roommate pointed out, talked about every man but one in PAST tense. Did you notice which one?
  • Sean owns too many shoes.
  • I found no reason to trust Graham Man yet.

Now onto the real show. Here we all are--six men, DeAnna, Chrissy boy Harrison, and America. Chris tells us that no roses will be given on any of the dates this time, but good news! We're all going to beautiful Palm Springs!

Jesse thanks DeAnna profusely for having given so much thought and slaving over the phone to make all these wonderful arrangements for all of them! DeAnna is so thoughtful to have pitied their poor souls and given them a real house. Poor Jesse, just like Pinnochio. Aw, snap! says Jesse.

Date with Sean
Sean, let's take our relationship to new heights!

Sean says he's a Kentucky race horse. He hung back, and now he's ready to make his move to win the race. To start off their date, DeAnna and Sean go up a sheer cliff in a Willy Wonka machine. For having survived the journey, they get to have dinner at the top of the mountain. If Sean fairs well enough through dinner, DeAnna will invite him back to her suite for dessert. Sean will undoubtedly see this as something like the garland of roses at the end of the Derby, and he'll trot around happily with his new coif.

At dinner, Sean tells DeAnna he never took a risk in the love department before because it's scary you can get hurt. He also confuses his Kentucky race horse metaphor, adding that he's like the race horse who would rather walk around with a loaded gun than no gun at all. It's times like these I wish that Chris would return and explain everything to us.

DeAnna invites Sean back to her suite. Sean says it's time for him to make his move.

DeAnna tells us that Sean has a lot to offer. Sean tells DeAnna that if she came to his hometown, the whole process would be over for her. Sean complains to DeAnna about how tough it is to see her on other one-on-one dates. They snuggle in the hammock while DeAnna says she needed tonight to get to know him. Sean calls DeAnna baby a lot while he licks his lips in between kisses. Flashes of Top Chef?

Generic "We're Having Fun in the Sun" Group Date

Poor, poor Twigs. He tells us that he's having a really tough time. Each time he thinks he's got something figured out, DeAnna throws him another curve ball. He doesn't understand her decisions.

When a helicopter shows up, all the guys are burned to discover it's meant specially for Twigs and DeAnna. It's just the chance Twigs needed! Except that Twigs gets motion sickness. Twigs thinks there's a conspiracy among the ABC producers who want him to throw up on her. I'm inclined to agree with him.

Out in some unknown desert where the 'copters drop them off, the boys and DeAnna ride ATVs. DeAnna explains that riding 4-wheelers is what happens back home. Like, some people eat dinner, others go to the movies, but in DeAnnaville, we ride all-terrain vehicles. Duh.

(Back at the house, Jeremy shows off his abs. End scene.)

Twigs is off by himself on the 4-wheelers. DeAnna thought that Jesse was hot because of the way he "manhandled" his 4-wheeler. Um, except for that time that he wiped out and some female on-site producer half-heartedly asks if he's okay. Then, poor Twigs get left behind while everyone else goes to play in the pool.

Emotions run in different directions at the pool party. Graham can't wait to have some more fun. Jason thinks he gets lost in the crowd. Towels get totally soaked because probably that same lackadaisical on-site producer left them lying right next to the water.

DeAnna and Jason talk about what it would be like to meet Jason's family. Good feelings are shared, and DeAnna says that Jason has all the qualities she looks for in someone to be her husband.

Jesse breaks up Jason and DeAnna with a strange cut-in where Jason kisses DeAnna goodbye while Jesse drags her away.

Jesse and DeAnna hold hands under the table, and DeAnna confesses how much she wishes Jesse would kiss her. Jesse freaks out and doesn't go for it. Jason tells Graham how Jesse was "that guy" who cut in on his time. Graham subsequently gets up to, um, be "that guy."

Jason continues to muse with Twigs. "Do you not see the connection between Graham and DeAnna?" Smart man.

Graham drags DeAnna to cuddle into a hammock, which really can't be too comfortable. Rope burn. Graham talks a lot. "You're going on a road trip! You're going to like my family! My family is going to like you! You won't believe it!" DeAnna pouts her lips, bats her eyelashes and bites her lower lip in attempts to snag more make out time with her favorite make out man. She succeeds.

Frank Sinatra Date with Jeremy
DeAnna gets to drive them in a vintage convertible to Frank Sinatra's house that he shared with Ava Gardner. Um, I am impressed. Nice work, ABC.

DeAnna cranks on the old recording studio and then proceeds to sin in the house of Blue Eyes with a blasphemed rendition of The Way You Look Tonight. Jeremy offers repentance to Old Blue Eyes.

Back at the vacation house, Twigs comments on how Jeremy is a mutant who can do anything. Anything except sing, apparently.

Over their dinner, Jeremy tells DeAnna there's nothing he can see in her that he doesn't like. DeAnna tells us she feels very loved by Jeremy, and that she wants very badly to fall in love with him.

They get in their swimmies together so that Jeremy can show off his abs more. We sit and watch as DeAnna and Jeremy gnaw on each other's lips.

Rose Ceremony with NO COCKTAIL PARTY!!!!
Uh oh. The boys notice something is different this time. "Everytime we roll in, she's sitting on the couch!" says Jesse. Indeed.

Chris "Sorry, Bro" Harrison tells the guys that DeAnna's mind is made up and there will be no cocktail party tonight. Jeremy gets worried. No cocktails?! What?! Twigs sits easy since he knows what's up for him, although he does seem disappointed he doesn't get a few free scotches for the road.

DeAnna comes out, says thank you and explains that she is trying not to lead them on like was done to her. (You know, just in case you forgot what happened to her.)

  • Jeremy
  • Jason
  • Graham
  • Jesse

Sean says that DeAnna is the type of woman he can propose to, that he put himself out there but he didn't get his horse in gear early enough. Oh, honey. Some pasture out there has the right filly for you.

Twigs says that just because you open up doesn't mean that the girl will fall in love with you. He says he just has to be Twilley, gives DeAnna a lot of unnecessary reassurance and encouragement and sets on his way to be Twigs wherever he goes.

Next week, Jesse's back in his element! Jeremy's family beats up on DeAnna! Ty likes DeAnna! Everything is great with Graham--except for his mom! No relationship has lasted longer than four weeks?! How shocking! I cannot wait!

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