Monday, June 9, 2008

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette, Episode 4

Chris "Doo Wop, Baby!" Harrison makes an uncharacteristic appearance at the beginning of the episode, explaining that the men will have to write songs for DeAnna. Whoever's song she likes best, gets to go on a one-on-one date. Remember TV Guide's write-up of this episode: "DeAnna accuses the nine remaining bachelors of refusing to take the competition seriously, but first she invites them to compete in a singing contest.”

The men rise to (and shrink from) the challenge.
Fred: "Oh. My. Gad." The Chicago boy performs a southern song.
Graham: "I want to eat glass instead of doing this."
Top Chef: Thoroughly impressed with his own singing.
Jeremy: White man rapping.
Jason: Hunter S. Thompson beat poetry.
Brian: "House of my pay-yay-yannnnne!!"

Jesse wins best song and is awarded the one-on-one date because he touched DeAnna's hands.

This week, Top Chef, Jason, and Fred all move into the mansion with DeAnna.

Jesse and DeAnna's Date with Natasha Bedinfield

Jesse is NERVOUS. He has to wear a suit jacket, a tie, and his mom isn't even driving them to the prom this year.

Jesse and DeAnna pull up to an old theater where the marquee reads: "Jesse, One night only... Just for you... Love, Deanna."

Jesse thinks everything is "out of control": Deanna, the marquee, the theater, even the table in front of the stage. Somebody get that table under control!

DeAnna makes Jesse recite his poem-song, "DeAnna." Jesse gets down to business and says he thought he'd be the last guy to come on TV and fall in love (which is obvi why he signed up for The Bachelor), but that's exactly what he has experienced. DeAnna says she usually isn't attracted to his "type," but she is because he is so real with her. DeAnna gives Jesse a rose, and then Natasha Bedingfield shows up to serenade the happy couple.

Group Date at the Stock Car Races!

  • Brian
  • Graham
  • Jason
  • Twigs
The men, naturally, freak out at the site of fast cars. Vroom! Vroom! The men put on their matching Top Gun outfits. For their challenge, whoever races the fastest, gets some one-on-one time! Nothing like speeding to prove love.

Brian's up first. Trouble getting that car in gear, but he tops 140 miles.
Jason hits 138.77.
Graham, true Manhattanite, hasn't driven a car in so long, but he hits more than 136.
Jeremy says he'll go to hell and back for DeAnna, but he only hits 129.
Twigs has motion sickness and doesn't like speeding, but he tops Brian with 140.59.
Sean, a natural Bluegrass boy, tops everybody and wins.

Sean and DeAnna lay back in the in-field where Sean lets DeAnna take the sunshine in her eyes while he complains that he's afraid he's losing. DeAnna reveals she lived in Campbellsville, Kentucky, and Sean is thrilled that they have that bluegrass connection, that redneck connection and that roughneck competition. DeAnna laughs and I squirm around uncomfortably, wondering if Sean's martial arts outfits feature big Confederate flags on their backs. Sean continues the racing metaphor, "In the race for DeAnna's heart, I was lagging, but I think I'm catchin' up."

DeAnna hits the track too and shows the men up, hitting 141.62 mph. Sean is REALLY excited about this. With the fumes of burning rubber and diesel in the air, the whole crew sits down for a post-race picnic. Jeremy, as usual, pulls DeAnna aside. The men are, as usual, pissed. Graham cuts in, and the men get upset again. Jason--wise father that he is--sees through the DeAnna/Graham situation, saying that Graham doesn't have to work as hard as the other men to prove that he is there for DeAnna.

Meanwhile, trouble in paradise. When DeAnna asks for a kiss, Graham says he doesn't want to be one of the bunch, looking meaningfully at the bouquet of flowers on the table between them. DeAnna tells us she doesn't think Graham is being very fair and that she feels a strong connection with Graham (or to his perfect, basketball player body and that just-right rugged stubble on his angled face), but that he's the one person not putting himself out there.

DeAnna gives Sean a rose while Twigs looks on with fire in his eyes. Jason says he feels lie he's lost his connection with DeAnna. Brian says he feels like he's on the outside of this house, looking in. (This deep metaphor is why I love Brian.) Twigs is, um, upset too.

Impromptu Coach House Party/Drama Fest

The boys decide to throw a non-rose related party and invite the mansion gentlemen and DeAnna down to celebrate. As a joke, the coach house men set up a kiddie table for the mansion men, labeling Top Chef's place marker with "Robbie." Top Chef freaks out, throws an innocent kiddie (chair) over his head, stamps on the chef's hat provided for him and then retreats to the house to sulk.

DeAnna is angered by what she sees with the men here. Brian's comfortable with being just one of the guys. Sean is back to his old ways. Top Chef is sulking and drinking out a bottle of wine. Twilley is being Twilley.

DeAnna confronts the moping Top Chef, who reveals that other guys told him not to be optimistic about tonight. DeAnna finally cracks, making Bachelorette history:

"Right now I should be the happiest person in the world, and you're all breaking my heart!" she begins. "Do you all feel good about that? I came down here today wanting to hang out with all y'all. If you don't wanna be here, go home. I know how hard this is, and I've been here in your position, but now I'm the one making the decisions and that's not easy too. This is not fair. I can't make promises to you that I can't keep." She stamps her foot. "I'm going to my house now, you guys can all stay here and hang out."

The men awkwardly half-follow her, but let her go. Jeremy astutely explains to everyone what just happened, while Graham, Twigs and Brian blame themselves.

2-on-1 Date at a Some ABC Producer's Mansion in the Hills of Hollywood

"I have a bunch of recipes for love," Top Chef sleazes at the camera. "Smooth, rich, succulent. Grrrrrrowwwllllll!"
I take a quick break to clean up whatever allergic reaction I just had to Top Chef's recipe.

DeAnna begins the evening with a simple question: What was your most romantic date? Robert lunges into an epic story of how he chartered a helicopter tour of Vegas for his ex-fiancee, ordered a bazillion roses to be thrown about their hotel room and spell "I Love You," and how he bought a small island with his life's savings just to prove his love. Fred tells DeAnna about a jaunt up to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin that he took with his girlfriend.

Top Chef Alone Time
"I'm a big believer in the passionate side of the relationship," Top Chef slobbers. "Can I kiss you?"
"Um, how about right here?" DeAnna diverts the kiss to her cheek.

Top Chef knows she's into him. "I can feel that. I can read people."

DeAnna: What do you do if there's a problem in a relationship?
Robert: I dump the broad and turn on my super-tongue radar to find another girl to tongue. I am, uh, puh-retty awesome.
DeAnna: Um, okay.

Robert, off camera: There's a connection. We can both feel it.

Fred's Alone Time
Fred thinks the more time he gets with DeAnna, the more he could actually fall for this girl. (Um, shouldn't you have already fallen for her?) Fred wants DeAnna to know that he's just here for her. Like everyone else. Fred says he knows DeAnna has a lot going on in her heart, but he asks her to leave a little part of it for him.

Back at the house, the men are happy they're not on this date. Jeremy describes some complicated math about how Dude A could be half the man that Dude B is, but DeAnna might have two times the amount of attraction to Dude A than she does to Dude B. And if you take the square root of that amount, and then find its derivative and graph it, you'll find that the curve on the graph looks a lot like Jeremy's profile.

Back at some ABC exec's house, DeAnna quickly and painlessly tells Robert that he is not getting the rose. Robert raises his eyebrows, tells us he's not used to rejection and cannot believe he misread their connection.

DeAnna returns to tell Fred how amazing he is, what a big heart he has, and what a good head he has on his shoulders, but that she does not see forever with them. She drops the B-word again (psst! It's "Brad!") and that she cannot lead him on. She doesn't want to hurt him because she thinks he's one of the best men there. Fred, very sweetly, says it's okay and that he wants her to have the very best and, when she apologizes again, that she can't feel anything different than what she's supposed to.

Back at the house, the boys watch as ABC homeboy comes in and grabs both sets of bags. Everyone freaks out.

Jason is the only men left at the mansion, so he greets DeAnna with open arms when she comes home. Even I want to melt into his arms and tell him how hard my day was. Jason says he really felt great being able to comfort to her.

Cocktail Party
The men are shakin' in their boots about yesterday's dramas. Sean is wearing a zoot suit for confidence.

The men quiz Jason about what happened when she got home from her dates. Jesse downs Scotch when he hears how well things went for Jason. The other men glare.

Brian pulls DeAnna aside to try to tell her how much he cares about her. Jesse, channeling his inner-eighth grader, watches at the window and whispers to the guys that Brian is holding DeAnna's hand.

Twigs makes a last ditch effort to show DeAnna that he cares for her.

Graham tries to make amends. "I don't verbalize things very well," says Graham. Understatement of the series! DeAnna says she doesn't want to be confused about why he's here. Graham, prompted by the producers who are holding up cue cards to help him, says: "I'm... uh.... here for... uh, wait, hold it up higher...I'm here for.... you. Oh, right! I'm here for you!" He smiles. DeAnna melts at these words, grabs Graham's face and starts chowing down on it.

Meanwhile, my roommate and I shout at the TV that Graham is that guy that is going to hurt her and she's only trying to make things work between them! But that we know he's so hot, so it's okay, we understand what she's going through. We can sense it through the TV.

DeAnna decides to take the edge off the party with a pool party. They all have a great time until Chris "Not Even Floaties Can Save You" Harrison comes to break up the party.

Rose Ceremony
Chris "I Pity the Foo' Who Goes Home" Harrison tells the guys he understands what the men are going through and how rough it's been, so that's why all the good boys were rewarded with a pool party. Next time, they may get cookies and an extra recess. But no promises.

Roses:
  • Sean
  • Jesse
  • Jason
  • Jeremy
  • Twigs?!!!!
  • Graham

Poor Silver Fox Brian gets sent home. Did she forget his song!?!! The House of My Pay-yay-yayannnne!!! I l personally loved it. Brian says he was disappointed because he had so much to look forward to with DeAnna, that she is beautiful, thoughtful and self-assured. Brian says he is a better person because of the time he spent here, but that he recognizes that he got too chummy with other guys.

Next week, more pool parties! Overnight adventures in Palm Springs! Sean and Graham make out with DeAnna in hammocks! Not at the same time! DeAnna tells all! Already???

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jason is a good guy...I know his ex-wife Hilary. She left him out of the blue for no other reason that she didn't want to be married or be a mom anymore. She decided Art classes were more important than her son. He is a wonderful father and has full custody. He was left broken hearted but has handled everything amazingly. He is a genuine person that deserves real love.

Anonymous said...

Where can a woman find Fred?

pomjob said...

I take a quick break to clean up whatever allergic reaction I just had to Top Chef's recipe.

One of your funniest lines.

Graham is hot, but I don't see forever with him so I think she's just going to get hurt, again, if she keeps betting on Big Graham.

I think it is a little early for Deanna tells all. She can't tell all, we don't know even the final two!

Caitlin said...

Pomjob:

No kidding. Is Graham DeAnna's "Mr. Big?" It's looking like yes. Pretty soon DeAnna will be publishing a column about it and living in New York City.