Kid F'n Nation

Am I the only person in love with Kid Nation?

The general feeling, surmised by the acid test of a Google Blog Search, is not just negative. It's Midwestern-soccer-mom-running-on-nonfat-Starbucks-and-Vicodin angry. Elisa, posting on mothertalkers.com, bemoaned how Kid Nation dared show its hardboiled viewers everything from homesickness to "younger children being picked on by the teenagers." God knows that only happens on TV screens.

And while I'm sure some of these kids ended up on this show with a soft--or maybe not so soft--push from stage moms in the wings, I also have to say that the first episode revealed nothing worse than a sprained muscle and some chalk graffiti.

If anything, Kid Nation appears to be Kids Say the Darndest Things, reality-show remixed, minus-Bill Cosby, and plus-desert. Or, something like this:




And as if the excitement of their Showdowns--wherein the first episode, they pumped red, blue, green and yellow water that left the kids with sickly, food-coloring tinted skin--was not enough, the Easy-to-Love and Easy-to-Hate kids add a whole new dimension of moral pondering and introspection that may leave the average CBS viewer quivering.

To simplify things, here are a few of the of my own Easy-to-Love and -Hate Kids, broken down by their bios from the Kid Nation website, which--luckily for you--I have spent entirely too much time on today.

Easy-to-Love

ALEX, 9

OK, not only is this kid freaking adorable with his little bucktooth and tinted glasses, but he's also the most lucid kid on the show, next to Michael (see below). Just check out his answer to this question:

Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?

George W. Bush, for leading us into a war without checking his facts first and for not having a clear plan prior to the invasion. He also suppressed anyone who wanted to question his decisions, which is against the American concept of free speech. William Harrison because he was too stupid to wear a coat at his inauguration speech, and caught pneumonia and died without doing anything in office.

ANY kid who cites William Harrison is a winner in my book.

MICHAEL, 14

This kid is Buckaroo City's 14-year-old, white version of Barack Obama. It seems pretty certain that he is not only a genius (Knowledge Bowl!!), but he's also super-sweet. What would he do if he won the lottery??

Become a philanthropist.

I'm also pretty sure that the Town Council really owes Michael that $20K gold star for bringing the kids to order not once, but twice. Michael is also the anti-thesis to Greg (see below).

LAUREL, 12

Just in case there was any question to how much more mature women are than men from the very earliest of ages, Laurel is here to remind you. She is easily the most competant and take-charge member of the Council and also has the best accent. She especially won me over when she took aside Jimmy to encourage him to stay. She's obviously an emotional person, since she even apologizes to Bush before bashing him:

Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?

I'm not sure if President Bush will read this (probably not) and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I am not to happy with his decisions. I believe he vetoed a bill that would allow children to get access to free health care. The whole War going on that he is in favor of and I am strongly not in favor of. There has been a lot of lying and deception with this President. He does not seem real bright like a president should be.

Easy-to-Hate

Jared, 11

So the word 'hate' might be a little strong when directed toward an 11-year-old. I don't really hate this kid at all.

But I couldn't help but feel thoroughly creeped-out by this kid every time he was on the screen. Memories of childhood flashed back where there was always that ONE kid--you know, the one doing bad MLK impressions and talking with religious fervor about the "shells of men"--who left you hiding under the swingset.

However, I have to absolutely give Jared props for his best quote of the show so far:

"This is like the worst day in three years."

Brett, 12

When faced with choosing one of two rewards for each kid completing the Showdown, Brett wanted the Town Council to choose the crap ass TV instead of seven outhouses.

Enough said.

Greg, 15

Greg is Kid Nation's male answer to reality shows' formulaic cast member "The Bitch We Love to Hate."

We have Greg to thank for the chalk graffiti as he and his minion Blaine torment kids half their age. He also seemingly underwent a change of heart when the $20K star was unveiled. Although evidently, unlike Sophia who received the first one, he'll unveil a new leadership style a la Ted Kennedy. See video below.

That video alone makes me shake in anticipation for the next episode. Oh God, oh God.