It's been months since I've blogged, but I'm back just briefly to ask whoever is listening if anyone else immediately thought Terry Jones was actually The Onion's grizzled, third-party character, Joad Cressbeckler.
I'm just sayin'...
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Friday, September 10, 2010
Cressbeckler v. Jones
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Bachelor: Jason Goes to New Zealand and Gets on a Boat
Chris Harrison kicks us off this episode with another over-extended recap of the entire season, which thankfully only lasts about about five minutes. (As compared with last week’s twenty-five minute rehashing—this was a welcome break.)
So here we finally are on our Fantasy Dates! One man. Three beautiful women. On the dates of a lifetime. And in one of the most beautiful places in the world: New Zealand!!
Here we are in Seattle at the Sleepless house once more with Jason packin’ up to head out to NZ. It’ll be hard to say goodbye to Ty again, Jason tells us. (Really? It’s starting to feel like he’s a pro at it.) ABC’s production assistants did a nice job on this one, cuing up a framed shot of Ty’s baby picture next to a framed shot of him and Dad together, throw in some keys, a plane ticket all thrown on the dresser, and bam! Emotion. THIS is how television is made.
Rehashing the ladies one more time for us, I do pick up on some new details.
Re: Jillian. Way back when Jillian was rocking the side ponytail and the hot dog shtick, ABC used gaffe tape to cover up the French’s Mustard label. Nice! Oh, and the same old same old about how Jillian needs to be more than a friend. Yawn. “If there’s passion, I can see myself married to Jillian.”
Re: Molly. Jason tells us that he thinks that Molly was kind of held back at first. If you’ll recall, Molly’s special talent was “kissing,” which Jason found very reserved. That’s why he invited her over for the overnight date. “On our first date, Molly slept over—I mean, we totally hit it in the Tent of Love! I mean, she spent the night slumber-party style with two separate sleeping bags, kids.” Jason’s V/O keeps things nice and vague: “We need our relationship to go to the next level--” (Read: They need to start doing more than just flirt and stare into one another’s eyes and chew one each other’s faces.) “If that happens, Molly is someone I could spend the rest of my life with.”
Re: Melissa. “Melissa immediately reminded me of my ex and of Deanna,” Jason tells us. Fantastic. Sounds healthy. We also got a nice flashback to that emotional wrap party, and I suddenly realize how alcohol-fueled all those tears were. So what’s holding Jason back from Melissa. Her terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad family. The fact that they didn’t’ show for the hometown date made Jason question “whether Melissa is really serious.” Uhhh… Okay. So Jason now wants to spend his time with Melissa in NZ getting to know why she had to insist on her parents not wanting to meet him. Great.
Welcome to New Zealand!
Jason visits yet another beach—this time wearing his shirt—where he tells us that these fantasy dates are an opportunity to spend some real “quality” time, “and more than that, we get to spend the night together!” Oh, and uh, he’s gonna be spending time with his future wife.
Fantasy Date with Jillian
Jillian and Jason meet one another in their matching flannies to spend some time up in a helicopter for yet another aerodate. Although it is another aerodate, I have to say that Jill got the best one. New Zealand > Los Angeles > Las Vegas.
The copter lands on a ledge to take in a big view. “There was no else there for miles and miles,” Jason tells us. “No one for miles and miles and miles other than the copter crew, the cameramen, the various production assistants throwing down the sheep skin blanket and wine. It was awesome.”
“I’m so happy to be here with you,” says Jason.
“Me too. Thanks, Babe,” says Jill. Babe?? Maybe it’s just my own book of lovey-dovey names, but Babe is a very intense lovey-dovey name. It means you’re pretty intimate, comfortable and in love. Maybe that’s just me. I’ll stop now.
Jillian: If you had to describe me to people back home, what would you say?
Jason: You’re fun!
Jillian: Oh, okay.
Jason: Well, what about me?
Jillian: Definitely what you are to me is the person who I’m the most attracted to ever, the person who I have an amazing connection with, have great conversations with, and someone who gets me right away.
Jason: Cool!
Jillian tells us that she has never felt this way before and that she sees Jason as someone who could be both her best friend and her husband. It’s safe to say she’s falling in love with him.
Jillian tells us that she wants to marry her best friend, and gives her grandparents as an example of this kind of love. As the ABC crew sends the tipsy couple to the edge of the cliff to play Jack and Rose, Jason tells us that he used to feel the same way as Jillian about wanting a best friend for a spouse, but now he wants more than that. “Is it too much to ask for the world?” Jason asks us. I vomit in my mouth.
That night, Jason and Jill meet at a winery. Jason wants to make sure there’s a romantic connection with Jill before he invites her to the overnight Fantasy part of the night. Naturally, Jason grills Jillian to find out her favorite parts of the day and what it is she likes about being here. Jillian passes with flying colors, concluding her sonata On Being a Bachelorette with, “I’m crazy about you. I am. And I’ve never, in my entire life, felt like someone is more meant for me than you are.” Bam! That’s enough for Jason to go in for the kiss and the sound guy to go for the synthesizer love music.
I particularly enjoyed that Jillian asked for the Fantasy Suite card. “Do you think you can handle a whole night with me?” Jillian flirts. Wow. Girl is really turning up the heat. Finally, we’re getting our time alone says Jason.
Here things get weird. Jillian’s wearing these black furry boots with her incredibly cute blue bikini. Then, after they dip into the hot tub, Jill tells Jasons, “I never ever ever imaged that I’d be falling in love with someone like you. I think you’re the most remarkable person I’ve ever met.” Then, sound guy brings in some weird bass synth, followed by the Spanish soft core music, followed by hot, blurry shots of candles and skin. The rest really cannot be written out here because it just isn’t right to sully this blog.
Date with Molly
Molly gets stuck with a rainy day for a date, but girl doesn’t let that get in the way of some tongue time right away. As the walk away, we are privy to a nice shot of our friendly ABC crew, umbrella in tow over the equipment. I begin to ponder just how many people have to work on this show to make it happen and whether Chris Harrison will acknowledge this blip in his blog tomorrow…
Back to the date. Jason and Molly are going to go bungy jumping. Not quite an aerodate… but close. After some nerves at the top, the two jump from the bridge to the tunes of happy ABC guitar music.
After drying off and changing clothes, they grab some lunch and Molly pulls out her list of questions entitled, “Things You Might Normally Learn About a Person While Dating Them But Because This is The Bachelor and We’re Always Making Out Instead of Talking, I Wrote Out These Questions With a Marker on the Plane Ride so I’m Sure I Know You Like Hamburgers.”
We learn that Jason loves Greece (already knew that one), his Air Jordans (who doesn’t?) and that he doesn’t like breakfast.
At dinner that night, Jason asks more awkward questions. There’s some talking over one another and idle chitchat of how great New Zealand is. After that, this conversation was hard to follow for me. Molly tells Jason that she has a wall up and that her family doesn’t always say that they love one another but that she would like to kiss Jason all day every day, which was nothing new to me. Finally, Molly spits out, “I really think I’m falling in love with you.”
Just like Jillian, Molly asks Jason to spend the night with her first. Jason must be starting to feel a little bit like the girls are stealing his thunder.
Of course, sleeping together is nothing new for Jason and Molly. This time they get a big soaking bubble bath instead of the hot tub. Not as cool due to the bubble-beards.
Date With Melissa
Jason is still pretty PO’d he didn’t get to meet Melissa’s family. Melissa is naturally fear-stricken. After they first meet, Melissa says she doesn’t get surprises very often. “Not even from your family??” Jason asks surprised. “No,” Melissa offers awkwardly. Then they do that adorable look-at-each-other-at-different-times and laugh uncomfortably thing.
Jason, not sure if Mel is still just that simple cheerleader he first thought her to be, asks if she knows who Winston Churchill is. Fortunately, Mel does and adds while pointing to her head, “This isn’t just a hat rack, you know!”
Turns out that this date, while not aero-themed, does take place on Churchill’s old boat which has somehow wound up here in merry old New Zealand. Perhaps Winston blew past that Iron Curtain to chillax with the crew from Lord of the Rings on his pimpin’ boat. Oh, I’m sorry. Did someone say boat?
Melissa and Jason spend their time on the boat talking about Melissa’s feelings, which are generally nervous, scared, and just generally worried.
On cue, Jason says that he wishes he could say he had no doubts about Melissa, but because he didn’t get to meet her parents, he feels he doesn’t know her.
That doesn’t stop him from going in the hot pools, which judging from their reaction, were very very hot. Fortunately, they finally get their chance to talk about Melissa’s parents. The two ponder why her parents did not want to be a part of this extraordinary, reality TV experience. Imagine that. Jason does say he can fall in love with Melissa without meeting her parents, but it can only go so far.
That evening, Melissa and Jason meet at downtown Queenstown where it looked like Melissa was freezing. At a restaurant downtown, they get their own private room. Unfortunately, the parents continue to dominate the conversation. Melissa is the first girl not to demand her Fantasy Suite before Jason can offer it.
Back at the suite, Melissa talks more about how scary this situation is. I’m starting to wonder if these two have forgotten how to talk to one another. In between “you knows” and “ums,” Melissa finally manages to sputter out, “I have absolutely fallen in love with you, head over heels,” and before she can get another few words out, Jason kisses her. Thank goodness. Jason tells us he can finally open up to her now that he knows that.
Before the Rose Ceremony
Jason can see himself with each of the three girls, but they’re each so different. At this point, he has no idea who he’s going to send home.
Chris Harrison and Jason catch up on Jason’s time in New Zealand. Jason got what he wanted out of Jillian; Jason finally got Molly to open up somewhat; and finally, Jason is still worried about not having met Melissa’s family, just in case you hadn’t surmised that yet from this entire episode.
Finally, the ladies taped some video segments to give their final pitch to Jason. First up: Jillian:
“Hey Babe--” Babe again!! “I just wanted to say thank you so much for every moment I’ve shared with you and for showing me how it is to fall in love again. I’m in awe of you and how you’ve turned a life of adversity into such a positive life. I know that we fit each other—our families, our attitudes—and if we are together, we’re share a life of laughter and home cooked meals!” (I’m going to hope that they had some sort of insider convo we didn’t hear about home cooked meals because that last bit was confusing.)
Next up, Molly:
“Haaay, Jaaay. Recognize the view? Get it? We went bungee jumping! I just wanted to thank you for an incredible date. You made it easy for me to open up with you, and I cannot wait to spend more time with you. I can tell you that I am madly in love with you so I can’t wait to see what happens next.”
Next up, Melissa:
“Hey you. I just wanted to tell you that, um, I want to thank you, um, for making it so easy to be me around you and making it so, um, easy to talk to you, and um, fall in love with you. You know I’ve been basically freaking out all week, but spending the day with you helped reaffirm everything for me. Thank you for being you (he said this once to her, remember that?). I miss you, and I love you.”
Jason offers some final thoughts. “I’m falling for three girls who could be great in Ty’s life and in my life. I don’t know how I am going to break someone’s heart today. But I’m not here for a six month relationship or a three-week relationship. This will be one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do.”
Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever (Again)
Chris Harrison greets the ladies, thanks them for spending their time in New Zealand and gently reminds them that one of them will be on a plane heading home tonight. When Jason finally comes out, he looks a lot like he might throw up all over Chris Harrison.
“You—“ he begins, swallows and starts again. “You three are the most amazing women I’ve ever met. I’m falling for all three of you for different reasons. But tonight I have to do the most selfish thing I’ve ever done and send one of you home tonight. Thank you for sharing this with me.”
One rose goes to Melissa, who can go one more week sweating it and talking about how nervous she is.
The other rose goes to Molly, and my jaw literally hits my chest.
Poor Jillian breathes heavily and tries to smile.
“I’m sorry,” Jason says. “I don’t want you to ever doubt that I don’t have strong feelings for you because I do. I’ve never met anyone like you before. I think our lives are a little bit different. You’ve got an amazing life, and I won’t be able to keep up with you and you deserve someone you can.”
Jillian responds that her adventures were because she was single and she was looking for the right person and she thought she had found him.
Jason brings Jillian back to her talk of finding her best friend, saying that that was the path they were on—best friends.
Jillian responds that at the end of the day, or when you’re 90 years old, you’re going to want to be with your best friend.
Jason snips that it’s your best friend AND MORE.
Jillian slaps her forehead, cries “You got it, Sherlock!” and then says she thought they did have friendship and more. Then she tells him that she has fallen in love with him and shares with him a dream that she, Jason and Ty were all a family. “But at the end of the day, I’m not looking for what I did right or wrong because I was myself. And I’m looking for someone who loves me for me,” Jillian concludes. Gotta love this girl—can we say next Bachelorette? Can we just continue sending the cast-offs to the next rounds? Cause seriously.
In the limo, Jillian says that she was jaded before coming to this show, but she learned that she could love, she wore her heart on her sleeve, and this was not how she wanted it to end. “I have not had it easy my entire life, so I do not expect,” she says. “I didn’t expect anything. I thought maybe one day I’d have that fairy tale ending, but this decision that he made today broke my heart.”
Back at the winery/hotel/lodge place, Jason cries a bit, but then tells us he just wasn’t in love with Jillian. At the end of the day, Jason tells us that there are two girls he is falling in love with and he cannot wait to introduce them to Ty. “Here’s to another week in New Zealand spending time with my family!”
I'd like to take this short moment to just throw out a PSA that these two girls are 24 and 25 years old. Jason first got married in 2003, back when these two ladies were 17 or 18 years old. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around these ladies being ready for stepmom-hood, but whatevs.
And next week, it’s the reunion show you won’t want to miss, Chris Harrison tells us. And in TWO weeks, it’s the most dramatic season finale ever with awkward moments with Ty, some rolling around in beds, some more shots of Jason’s abs, DeAnna’s return, some really ugly crying on balconies, and apparently something so dramatic that only Chris Harrison could be involved. All I have to say is that whatever it is, it better redeem this season, ABC!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Is this what Hollywood thinks of us editors?
Can anyone explain to me why Annette Benning's character in The Women (a high profile magazine editor) looks like the frumpier, but probably nicer, doppelganger of Wilhelmina Slater from Ugly Betty (a high profile magazine editor)?
Thursday, July 10, 2008
In which there's nothing to watch...
And here’s what I’ve learned: PBS is TOTALLY awesome! So far I’ve learned about the bog mummies of Ireland (totally creepy! and not good to watch alone in a big apartment by yourself), all about John Adams (planning on renting the HBO mini-series now), Japan’s neutralized military, how babies are made, and most awesome of all, the life of a navy officer on a US carrier. Carrier is by far my new favorite show, but I have to admit, Aaron Brown’s new hair has me thinking frosty. Mm, Frosties… (The original Silver Fox posted for your consideration.)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
John Krasinski: Spun-off, but still sexy
But I have serious issues with a spin-off of The Office and big fears that my favorite cast will be split into two separate shows, The Office, Thursday 9 PM EST, followed by its wacky spin-off, The Branch, or something like that. Say it ain't so, John, say it ain't so.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Live-Blogging The Bachelor: London Calling
On a whim, I decided to live-blog the first episode of The Bachelor: London Calling. I loyally watched last season and felt the collective breaking of hearts across America when Brad Womack killed love and destroyed all that is holy and sacred in reality television plots. To re-instill my faith in love (and reality TV), I've returned to ABC to make things right. Let's begin. Hullo, Matt Grant!
8:35 Promises of girl-on-girl drama don't look, well, promising. Lots of the same shots of the same girls screaming and crying. As long as someone can compare to Hilary, then things will be good.
8:37 British bachelor Matt arrives in the rain, looking squinty and uncomfortable. We're off to a great start.
Commercial! Here's something awesome to watch in the meantime:
8:42 Obligatory UK vs. US talk. Mainly Chris Harrison smiles at the Bachelor's cute accent. This will remain a topic of conversation throughout the show. 'Spesh since the girls don't know he's British. (Sneaky twist, ABC!) Squealing to come later.
8:44 "To-MAY-toe, to-MAH-toe!" Chris Harrison giggles.
Matt is into American women! ABC already mentioned this: he loves American accents!
Commercial! This new Miss Guided show looks good. It'll be great to think of that what's-her-face actress as more than just Kitty from Arrested Development.
8:50 The 25 girls arrive!! "There's a break in the rain," says Chris. So take off your clothing, Matt!
The girls are already squealing and they haven't even heard Matt say "to-MAH-toe" yet.
Girl 1 Amanda R. is totally cute. Oooh, she lived in England! Zing!! Something is promising about her.
Girl 2 Amy looks like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, focuses her first impression on twirling.
Girl 3 Devon is from Texas, which is why she's blonde. More specifically, the blonde version of Amy Winehouse.
Girl 4 Kristine from North Carolina. Another southern girl cause that's what ABC does. They put southern blondes on television, which is why I am not on ABC.
Girl 5 Chelsea has a special arm wrestling skill! Matt makes a sound that's a cross between moaning and saying okay.
Girl 6 Erin H. is wearing a place-holder engagement ring. Classy!
Girl 7 Kelly. Um. That's it, really. Nothing of signifcance happened here.
Girl 8 Rebecca is an attorney! She has cute hair! Cute dress! 3 years Matt's senior--will he go for that? She may be too intimidating.
Girl 9 Denise is a former Bush aide. She might as well get back in the limo now.
Girl 10 Erin S. is, um, a hot dog vendor. For serious? Her lips are gi-nor-mous.
Girl 11 Robin is from Holland, Michigan. I have a friend from Holland, MI! Shoutout to Karl Sluis, who most likely is not watching The Bachelor right now.
Gril 12 Ashlee looks like she is twelve, and I'm totally disturbed by this fact.
Girl 13 Alyssa looks like the girl who may make it through several rounds, and I will continue to scratch my head every time it happens.
Girl 14 Michelle the red-head suggests that she and Matt saw each other at the same moment while she sat in the limo. Right. Through those black limo windows, hun.
Girl 15 Shayne whines a lot. "I'm Shaaaaayne." (Matt asks her: Where am I from?) "englaaaanddd?? yyaaaaaay!!!" Here's Shayne's picture on ABC's website. She even looks confused here!
Girl 16 Marshana is a fashion designer, which she made obvious by her dress, which is a sari really.
Girl 17 Amanda looks like she's going to prom in 1987. She gave him dice.
Girl 18 Tamara is "really nervous!" That's it? That's your impression? That's what you say? Clearly, she is not making it.
Girl 19 Holly is from Suffield, Ohio! She says she's not nervous, she's excited. She's also a children's book author, which is cool with me and has got me liking her.
Girl 20 Tiffany is 33, which is on the older side for this show, but her age brings confidence. Again, intimidating confidence. This show is not for brunette older women, Tiffany! It's for 18 year old blonde Texans!
Girl 21 Carri is a church marketer from Oklahoma. This is just the kind of girl who sounds like she's going to leave her hometown and move to London, right?
Girl 22 Stacey--the sparkly blueberry--is a graduate student in Chicago. Fantastic. The girl that has been pimped in the promos as being the underwear-giving ho is from my city.
Girl 23 Lesley is 23 and a youth minister. Another church-going lady! This town is only big enough for one, I'm sure.
Girl 24 Michele R. has zebra hair and a glazed look that suggests Zoloft.
Girl 25 Noelle has the most beautiful dress so far. She outright says she's a sucker for accents, which isn't exactly original, but her cute looks seem to cover for her.
Commercial! Take this moment to recover from all that awkwardness.
9:09 House shot. Squeeeeal!!! "He's dashingly handsome!" We're already practicing our British lingo.
Matt enters the party. SQUEEEEEAAAAL!! Cheers! Bottoms up!
Matt is 6'5", dark and handsome. OK, even I'm impressed. He also said "Picadilly Station," and it was easily the best thing I've heard all day.
Amanda R. brought up intelligence as a reason she likes Matt! Woah. I DO like this Amanda character.
9:12 Up the ante! First impression rose already!!! We're not ready for this yet! It's on the table to make everybody nervous.
Chelsea and Matt are arm-wrestling. Let's discuss the risks of a lady acting so masculine here. Or maybe later.
Oh god. Bushie is talking about politics. Shut up, Bushie. Oh god! Karl Rove was her first boss! Call this girl a cab to take her home.
Carri interrupts by biting into a can. Clearly a production assistant paid her a fiver to do this. Or perhaps this is how she markets churches.
Rebecca, the 30 year old lawyer, dances like Elaine!
Shayne is so confused by this competition thing!
Zebra-hair girl is a rock paper scissors champion! However, she loses to Matt and drools while her eyes start to cross.
Marshana is a beauty queen!
Ashlee giggles a lot and sings!!!
Amanda R is hiccuping a lot. She says this is because she's nervous, but I'm guessing she maaaay have been drinking. Otherwise, she'll be hiccuping through this entire show.
Michelle P., the bombshell red-head, brought her clarinet. "It has to be wet for it to vibrate!" OK, she's really good at clarinet, but this is like a scene from American Pie.
Shayne is STILL BAFFLED by this competition thing!
COMMERCIAL! Nim's Island looks like the worst movie ever made.
9:23 Stacey makes her impression on America, thanks to the casting producers who paid her to lose control on TV.
Um, Erin H. with the Greek hairdo is taking Stacey a little too seriously.
Enter Matt!!
Stacey wants to find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that nobody has thought of. Genius!
What would your ideal date be, Matt? asks Erin H. "If you and I were in London..." cue Bachelor music. Classic!
Matt asks Stacey just how much she actually knows about London. Nasty and saucy!
When Matt gets torn away by Erin S., Stacey puts underwear in Matt's pants. Even more classy!
Really, where do the casting people get these girls? Chicago, apparently.
This whole Stacey segment ends with her passed out on some bed.
Commercial! Take bets with friends on whether Stacey wakes up for the rose ceremony.
9:34 Bachelor returns with minimal electro-music. This is very forward-thinking of ABC.
Matt reveals that he is attracted to Shayne, despite her whiney-whine. She can't see out of her right eye either with all that hair. "You knooooow, I'm an aaaactresssssss." Shayne says that her acting career and her acting family don't really matter. She says this like twelve times.
Noelle takes Matt aside and can't stop smiling.
Wow. Matt and Noelle are talking about more than just his accent. They're both the youngest and they both feel like they act older because of that. This is deep stuff.
Robin, who lived in London, gets pulled aside by Matt. They talk travel and then in French. Clearly having traveled in Europe is a huge advantage here.
9:38 Rose time!!! Matt walks by a bunch of ladies and to... Amanda R.!! ding ding ding!
Matt admits he hasn't actually spoken to her that much, but he feels something special with Amanda. The extra special thing about Amanda R. is how much she looks like Amanda Peet.
9:41 Chris "Grim Reaper" Harrison comes to gather his male soul for the Rose Ceremony. Which lovely buds will be cut before their prime!?
Commercial! Just a thought: Matt must be like the most wonderful bachelor ever if he's following up Brad "Love-Killer" Womack. Really. ABC needs a pinch hitter like whoa, and this Brit seems like just the guy.
9:45 First Rose Ceremony of Love-Killing! Amanda is safe, Chris reminds us, and introduces Matt again. The girls look like they're already hungover from all that vino. Matt's selections:
Chelsea, whose boobs I can no longer ignore.
Shaaaaayne, who isn't really important nor is her family, she wants you to know.
Michele P., clarinet girl surprises the popular kids.
Marshana, whose 'tudey outfit apparently got her in here.
Ashlee, whose all smiles now that her music got her somewhere in life.
Noelle, whose dress I still love the most.
Erin S., who has the biggest damn lips in the United States.
Amy, who still kind of looks like the Little Mermaid in that dress.
Carri, whose haircut is so edgy and modern for a girl from Oklahoma.
Kristine has a sultry voice that I don't remember hearing until now.
Robin looks like she was ready to fall apart.
Kelly is all laughs.
Holly who couldn't get a word in edgewise around the other ladies earlier tonight.
Final rose... dramatic music.... heavy breathing... eyes welling with tears... Erin H!
9:52 Matt is the luckiest guy, says Matt. No other bachelor before him has said this--nor did they say in a couple episodes that this is the hardest thing they've ever had to do.
Devon is sad, but her hair still looks like Amy Winehouse.
Rebecca seems really sad and makes me wonder why she put herself in this situation.
Stacey has definitely been outside bars on Wrigleyville, and I've definitely hated on her before. I'll be looking for you outside Barleycorn's, Stacey. Watch your tanning booth ass.
9:53 Cheers--extra-British this time, guys!
Well friends, things look good this season. There's no denying that Matt From Across the Pond is a hot toddy, and it does seem like there may be more traveling this season. That, or ABC showed all the vacation dates one-right-after-the-other. At any rate, the real clencher is that I already CARE about our new bachelor! I genuinely like him! He dances! No more jerk bachelors for ABC, and that's a good thing.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I can haz fashun line?
I don't mean to blog something straight of the AP Newswire all over again, but this is awfully important.
Project Runway's Bryant Park show was today, and the AP newswire has this story which gives away more things like how Bravo likes to slut itself as much as possible with MMASM's Tyson and Nikki in the front row of PR's runway. With femmebot Victoria Beckham sitting pretty as the finale's special judge, God help us for what horrible judgment is passed upon our final three designers.
Not that we know who they are. All five remaining designers showed--Rami, Jillian, Christian, Chris, and Sweet P--to keep the secrets of the final episodes hush-hush. Of course, Jezebel's model-blogger already gave away some clues. (Jezebel also has images of designs. Hooray!)
Regardless of the final outcome, I bless Heidi, Bravo, and whoever else had their hand in bringing us Chris March this season. Without his return, this season might have been lost in the sea of salty, Confederate soldier-hatted tears that Rickey shed over the last few months.
Speaking of which...
'Lizalde, who is probably best known for his frequent crying, said he felt good about how he was portrayed.''I wasn't a jerk. It was a little tough watching myself cry every week, but once I got over that and realized I wear my heart on my sleeve, I was OK with it,'' he said.'
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
SUPER TUESDAY REVELATIONS: CNN's "Magic Wall" Touch Screen Board Finally Explained!!!!
I do not know why it took a media source so long to report on this topic, but thankfully, the Washington Post finally did.
When the Magic Wall made its premiere with the 2008 Iowa Caucuses, Wolf and the rest of CNN put on a total uninhibited show of their new toy.
"This is how regular voting works!" Wolf chided us, and with several over-animated hand flourishes, little poker chips (representing voters) fell onto playing cards (representing candidates) and then tallied themselves up. "You see? Now you understand."
Thank you, Wolf. Thank you, Magic Wall.
At any rate, this fancy toy costs upward of $100,000, and more of them will gracing the studios of other news networks in the near future. I haven't tuned into MSNBC or Fox News's coverage of the elections, and I don't think I'll start now. For Super Tuesday, I need a Super-Magic Wall. [Washington Post]
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Arrested Development Movie Would Be Unequivocally Best Thing To Happen Ever
I meant to link to this a while ago, but it's all the more pertinent since J and I have been obsessively watching Season 2 of Arrested Development. Keith Olbermann doing a GOB impersonation is also pretty great, but the potential for an Arrested Development movie is even better.
But seriously, if you somehow missed this show over the last five years, you missed out. However (!!!), many episodes like the pilot, Bringing Up Buster and Amigos! (among my favorites), and more are available to watch online.
It's tired in here!!
EDIT: Chicagoist just posted a story about some guy suing Blue Man Group for their esophagus cam hijinks. Aside from that ridiculousness, they posted a video of Tobias in his blue man group paint! YES!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I love the 90s, Jerry
I want Jerry Seinfeld to go away.
Don't get me wrong. I think that he embodies comic genius, and his dead pan delights me. In fact, I'm a huge, huge "Seinfeld" show fan. But that is just the problem.
After Seinfeld the show ended back in 1998, Jerry disappeared with it in attempts to separate himself from the phenomenon that bore his name. But for someone like me--a young teenager whose television consciousness first awoke at age six with Seinfeld and developed in that sacred Thursday 9 P.M. EST time slot--Jerry's disappearance even more embedded him with the show.
As Michael Richards ventured into a spin-off that lasted for two episodes, Jason Alexander jumped from one TV special to the next and Julia Louis-Dreyfus had more luck with her New Adventures of Old Christine, I learned to accept their faces in new roles--even if I did still refer to them as Kramer, George and Elaine. ("Hey! Elaine is giving the commencement speech this year!")
But Jerry continued to embody "Seinfeld"--a human time capsule of the 90's, a reminder of better times when the news was defined more by what constitutes "sexual intercourse with that woman" and less by extremist violence and inept, corrupt government leaders. Jerry Seinfeld's face means prosperity, insularity, boy bands and bad movies. In short, in the lines and curves of Jerry's face lies my childhood.
So when I see Jerry now, on HP commercials and late night talks shows with his endless Bee Movie plugs, I want to grab him from the screen and shout: Get out of here! You don't belong! Don't you SEE what is wrong with the world? Don't drag the good old days into this mess! Stay where you belong--on TBS reruns and DVD box sets!!
As long as I don't have to see Jerry out and about today, I can turn on those reruns and snuggle into my couch. I can pretend to be 10 again, knowing that I'm pretty sophisticated for watching such high brow, adult NBC Must See TV, and feel optimistic about a world where the biggest concerns are close talkers and man hands, long division and chapter books.
Friday, September 28, 2007
NBC iSucks
I'd like to add my name to the list of Office fans disappointed by NBC's decision to move the episodes online rather than on iTunes.
This old blog entry from TAUW details how iTunes essentially saved The Office's ass when NBC first agreed to put the show's episodes online. (I can only dream of what might have happened for Arrested Development had iTunes had video back in 2004...) But NBC seems drunk and greedy with success. The NYTimes reported that Apple claimed NBC had demanded that the episode charge increase by three dollars, from $1.99 to $4.99 per episode. (NBC denies this claim and says they wanted a higher wholesale price, not retail.)
But who cares about all those numbers and figures when you just want to rewatch that really cute scene from last night's episode where Jim takes Pam's hand while they walk blissfully together down the sunny sidewalk? Answer: Nobody.
And so, today when I wanted to watch aforementioned scene, I was totally willing to accept that NBC had moved its shows online--even happy since two of my three favorite shows air on NBC (The Office and Heroes). But when streaming video is constantly interrupted because of your average shitty Comcast signal and the throngs of other fans trying to access the same tools, it's enough to make you want to turn back on The Office and run to the sheltering, all-American arms of of ABC.com to curl up with a rerun of The Bachelor.
Speaking of which, how is it that ABC's video quality is soooo gooooood? My third favorite show is Ugly Betty. I used to relish in purposely missing its Thursday night airtime and then curling up Friday afternoon with a cup of hot chocolate (or a glass of Riesling, but who's counting?) and watching the beauty that is ABC's streaming full screen video. Meanwhile, somewhere in a distant universe, some Office fan screams in agony as NBC's grainy stuff (that people outside of the U.S. can't watch, by the way) stutters and stumbles its way across the Internet.
NBC says that by November, us Office fans will be able to subscribe to a weekly download service where we can watch the last episode of The Office for free on our computers for one week. Afterward, it will somehow self-destruct, a la Mission Impossible and/or Tom Cruise's dignity.
The next advancement for NBC's viewers will be when they can do exactly what they were doing on iTunes--legally pay for the episodes, download them to their computers and watch them on repeat to their hearts' content. But don't hold your breath because NBC says to expect that to happen by...drumroll...mid-2008.
Until then, I'll accept that NBC has pushed me toward lawlessness on Youtube or wherever else I can watch Angela crush Dwight with another rolly chair.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Kid F'n Nation
Am I the only person in love with Kid Nation?
The general feeling, surmised by the acid test of a Google Blog Search, is not just negative. It's Midwestern-soccer-mom-running-on-nonfat-Starbucks-and-Vicodin angry. Elisa, posting on mothertalkers.com, bemoaned how Kid Nation dared show its hardboiled viewers everything from homesickness to "younger children being picked on by the teenagers." God knows that only happens on TV screens.
And while I'm sure some of these kids ended up on this show with a soft--or maybe not so soft--push from stage moms in the wings, I also have to say that the first episode revealed nothing worse than a sprained muscle and some chalk graffiti.
If anything, Kid Nation appears to be Kids Say the Darndest Things, reality-show remixed, minus-Bill Cosby, and plus-desert. Or, something like this:
And as if the excitement of their Showdowns--wherein the first episode, they pumped red, blue, green and yellow water that left the kids with sickly, food-coloring tinted skin--was not enough, the Easy-to-Love and Easy-to-Hate kids add a whole new dimension of moral pondering and introspection that may leave the average CBS viewer quivering.
To simplify things, here are a few of the of my own Easy-to-Love and -Hate Kids, broken down by their bios from the Kid Nation website, which--luckily for you--I have spent entirely too much time on today.
Easy-to-Love
OK, not only is this kid freaking adorable with his little bucktooth and tinted glasses, but he's also the most lucid kid on the show, next to Michael (see below). Just check out his answer to this question:
Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?
George W. Bush, for leading us into a war without checking his facts first and for not having a clear plan prior to the invasion. He also suppressed anyone who wanted to question his decisions, which is against the American concept of free speech. William Harrison because he was too stupid to wear a coat at his inauguration speech, and caught pneumonia and died without doing anything in office.
Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?
George W. Bush, for leading us into a war without checking his facts first and for not having a clear plan prior to the invasion. He also suppressed anyone who wanted to question his decisions, which is against the American concept of free speech. William Harrison because he was too stupid to wear a coat at his inauguration speech, and caught pneumonia and died without doing anything in office.
ANY kid who cites William Harrison is a winner in my book.
MICHAEL, 14This kid is Buckaroo City's 14-year-old, white version of Barack Obama. It seems pretty certain that he is not only a genius (Knowledge Bowl!!), but he's also super-sweet. What would he do if he won the lottery??
Become a philanthropist.
I'm also pretty sure that the Town Council really owes Michael that $20K gold star for bringing the kids to order not once, but twice. Michael is also the anti-thesis to Greg (see below).
LAUREL, 12Just in case there was any question to how much more mature women are than men from the very earliest of ages, Laurel is here to remind you. She is easily the most competant and take-charge member of the Council and also has the best accent. She especially won me over when she took aside Jimmy to encourage him to stay. She's obviously an emotional person, since she even apologizes to Bush before bashing him:
Who have been some of the worst U.S. presidents, and why?
I'm not sure if President Bush will read this (probably not) and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I am not to happy with his decisions. I believe he vetoed a bill that would allow children to get access to free health care. The whole War going on that he is in favor of and I am strongly not in favor of. There has been a lot of lying and deception with this President. He does not seem real bright like a president should be.
Easy-to-Hate
Jared, 11So the word 'hate' might be a little strong when directed toward an 11-year-old. I don't really hate this kid at all.
But I couldn't help but feel thoroughly creeped-out by this kid every time he was on the screen. Memories of childhood flashed back where there was always that ONE kid--you know, the one doing bad MLK impressions and talking with religious fervor about the "shells of men"--who left you hiding under the swingset.
However, I have to absolutely give Jared props for his best quote of the show so far:
"This is like the worst day in three years."
Brett, 12
When faced with choosing one of two rewards for each kid completing the Showdown, Brett wanted the Town Council to choose the crap ass TV instead of seven outhouses.
Enough said.
Greg, 15
Greg is Kid Nation's male answer to reality shows' formulaic cast member "The Bitch We Love to Hate."
We have Greg to thank for the chalk graffiti as he and his minion Blaine torment kids half their age. He also seemingly underwent a change of heart when the $20K star was unveiled. Although evidently, unlike Sophia who received the first one, he'll unveil a new leadership style a la Ted Kennedy. See video below.
That video alone makes me shake in anticipation for the next episode. Oh God, oh God.
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