More of the same from Dean John Lavine. If this doesn't instill fear in hearts of Medill, who knows what will?
The dean's unnamed sources - Forum
Monday, February 11, 2008
The dean's unnamed sources - The Daily Northwestern Forum
Dolly Parton Postpones Tour, Blames Breasts
Hats off to the Reuters writer who came up with that headline. Of course, Dolly does some doozies herself, too:
"Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems," the folksy singer-songwriter said in a statement.
Ahh, yes. Such eloquence from a "singer-songwriter" has not been heard since the days of Berlin and Gershwin.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I can haz fashun line?
I don't mean to blog something straight of the AP Newswire all over again, but this is awfully important.
Project Runway's Bryant Park show was today, and the AP newswire has this story which gives away more things like how Bravo likes to slut itself as much as possible with MMASM's Tyson and Nikki in the front row of PR's runway. With femmebot Victoria Beckham sitting pretty as the finale's special judge, God help us for what horrible judgment is passed upon our final three designers.
Not that we know who they are. All five remaining designers showed--Rami, Jillian, Christian, Chris, and Sweet P--to keep the secrets of the final episodes hush-hush. Of course, Jezebel's model-blogger already gave away some clues. (Jezebel also has images of designs. Hooray!)
Regardless of the final outcome, I bless Heidi, Bravo, and whoever else had their hand in bringing us Chris March this season. Without his return, this season might have been lost in the sea of salty, Confederate soldier-hatted tears that Rickey shed over the last few months.
Speaking of which...
'Lizalde, who is probably best known for his frequent crying, said he felt good about how he was portrayed.''I wasn't a jerk. It was a little tough watching myself cry every week, but once I got over that and realized I wear my heart on my sleeve, I was OK with it,'' he said.'
Roofie-Free, USA
If you're headed to Dallas in the next few weeks, keep your drink free of roofies, ok?
Flirty Women Victimize Well - Dressed Men Filed at 4:15 p.m. ET
DALLAS (AP) -- Well-dressed men at posh Dallas hotels and bars are being targeted by a ring of flirtatious women who may be drugging them before swiping their watches and other expensive items, police said.
One man was hurt after possibly being beaten with a high-heeled shoe, police said. Another lost his wallet while in his car with his pants around his ankles.
About a half-dozen men have reported falling victim to the scheme, Dallas police detective Mark Jenkins said. Many were business travelers, and Jenkins suspects there are others too embarrassed to file police reports.
''I don't know if so much it's that the men are being attracted to them, as that (the suspects) are more or less forcing themselves on the men,'' Jenkins said.
The stylish W hotel in downtown Dallas is among the places where the alleged thefts began. Authorities said the women knew that were looking for; several of the victims wore Rolex watches.
The women have histories as prostitutes, Jenkins said.
In one case, police said a 37-year-old Tampa, Fla., executive lost his iPod, laptop and $4,000 watch after accepting a beer from one of the women.
The women may be slipping drugs into the drinks of their victims, police said.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Incredible Weightiness of Driving (in Chicago)
My parents told me not to bring my car from Evanston to Chicago. “You won’t need it!” they said. “We never needed one! Public transportation!” I shared with my parents my thoughts on the CTA, laden with explectives and clenched fists, which I’ll spare you now—and then said, “No. I need my car.”
In the end, I was right. My car is a necessity. I work in the Ravenswood neighborhood, right off Silicon Alley, which is impossible to reach by El, bus, or Metra from east Rogers Park. On the weekends, I often relish in driving out to the burbs, subsequently fighting super-moms for parking spots at Old Orchard or getting my ass kicked in Wii boxing by J’s 5-year-old niece in Glenview.
However, the city car brings with it a burden that is greater than parking tickets or snow plows that impact dirty ice igloos around your vehicle. No, this burden manifests in the seedy underbelly of Rogers Park and Edgewater, in the speeding main thoroughfares and clogged side streets of these neighborhoods. It is, by a more common name, Chicken.
Living in Rogers Park, it didn’t take long before I recognized this game of brain and backbone as it played out between cars. In narrow streets flanked on either side by parked cars, cars speed at one another for the right to pass first in a challenge that requires gumption that the likes of Sherman and Grant once knew.
The first few times this happened to me, I blamed the drivers. I muttered profanities as they barreled head on at me and then veered close, narrowly missing scraping the side of my car. But the more it happened, I realized—I need not hate the players, but should instead hate the game. (Specifically, Chicken.)
This is how I start each morning—sleepy-headed, unkempt, and reckless. Heeding to no one (except pedestrians!/especially not the buses!) and pushing my way out of Rogers Park.
My trip south on Ashland and Clark is another story altogether, a harrowing journey with quick swerves around delivery trucks, those damned CTA buses, and thick-headed bicyclists. (By thick-headed, I literally mean they must have rock-hard heads because they’re often biking right down the middle of the road without helmets on. They must have no fear of crashing skull-first into anything.) Speedy motorists squeeze into the right turn lane and then gun their way through intersections to continue straight while cabbies straddle multiple lanes as if following the dotted yellow lines to their destination.
By the time I manage to wedge my car into a parking spot near my office, I’ve lost at least the duration of the commute off my lifespan and I’ve devolved into something more primitive. My heart is pounding and my pupils are dialated—I’m in full survival mode, ready to strike snake-like at the nearest postal worker who comes too close to me on the sidewalk with his cart-full of envelopes.
It takes me nearly eight hours to wind down, and by that time, I’m ready to take the same trip home. My hands are shaking, but I reach for the keys. This is my burden to bear.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
"I'm constipated--couldn't give a shit"
I'm surprised I hadn't seen this kid yet, but I stumbled upon his videos yesterday on YouTube. Apparently Bo Burnham is 17 years old, lives somewhere in Massachusetts, and is a bona fide punster. I promise, you'll be addicted. I'm posting my favorite video here, although another great one is his Rehab Center for Fictional Characters.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
SUPER TUESDAY REVELATIONS: CNN's "Magic Wall" Touch Screen Board Finally Explained!!!!
I do not know why it took a media source so long to report on this topic, but thankfully, the Washington Post finally did.
When the Magic Wall made its premiere with the 2008 Iowa Caucuses, Wolf and the rest of CNN put on a total uninhibited show of their new toy.
"This is how regular voting works!" Wolf chided us, and with several over-animated hand flourishes, little poker chips (representing voters) fell onto playing cards (representing candidates) and then tallied themselves up. "You see? Now you understand."
Thank you, Wolf. Thank you, Magic Wall.
At any rate, this fancy toy costs upward of $100,000, and more of them will gracing the studios of other news networks in the near future. I haven't tuned into MSNBC or Fox News's coverage of the elections, and I don't think I'll start now. For Super Tuesday, I need a Super-Magic Wall. [Washington Post]
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Digitips
Thanks to the handy lil’ eco-newsletter, The Ideal Bite, I got an especially useful tip today .
All those digits stuck on your bananas and avocadoes turn out to have some meaning beyond the Jewel-Osco and Kroger checkouts. According to the Ideal Bite:
- A four-digit number means your produce was conventionally-grown
- A five-digit number beginning with 9 means your produce is organic
- A five-digit number beginning with 8 means it was genetically-modified
Although some list tells me I apparently eat nearly only genetically-modified foods right now, B and I discussed signing up with the all-local and all-organic grocer in Rogers Park, Newleaf Natural Grocery. For what you get it's pretty cheap--15 bucks gets you all this:
2 peaches
6 simka plums
4 oranges
1/8 watermelon
3 gala apples
2 kiwi
2 ears of corn
2 tomatoes
1/2 head romaine lettuce
1/2 bunch spinach
1/2 bunch broccoli
1/3lb. green beans
3 yukon gold potatoes
Um, awesome.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Arrested Development Movie Would Be Unequivocally Best Thing To Happen Ever
I meant to link to this a while ago, but it's all the more pertinent since J and I have been obsessively watching Season 2 of Arrested Development. Keith Olbermann doing a GOB impersonation is also pretty great, but the potential for an Arrested Development movie is even better.
But seriously, if you somehow missed this show over the last five years, you missed out. However (!!!), many episodes like the pilot, Bringing Up Buster and Amigos! (among my favorites), and more are available to watch online.
It's tired in here!!
EDIT: Chicagoist just posted a story about some guy suing Blue Man Group for their esophagus cam hijinks. Aside from that ridiculousness, they posted a video of Tobias in his blue man group paint! YES!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Easily the best thing Jerry O'Connell has ever done with his career
Who knew Jerry O'Connell could improve what Tom Cruise already said?
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