As taken from my December 12, 2003 journal entry

Tonight I concluded two things:
1. Work sucks.
2. Mice run the hard drive of my home computer.

Let me elaborate…
1. Work sucks. Tonight was your run-of-the-mill Friday holiday night at Old Navy. You had your usual customers:
Exhibit A:
Crazy ass bitch who hits her children with one hand while pointing her finger at you with her other, screaming about how “Y’all better give me my ten percent off, ya hear??” These bitches come by the dozens.
Exhibit B:
Dumb ass bitch who pays for her ninety dollar total purchase with all ones. Let’s just say that Florida didn’t have this many recounts. Damn.
Exhibit C:
Damned annoying kid who knocks over entire new display. Somebody needs to shatter that kid’s face with the plastic dog that’s propped up in the signature Old Navy truck. Shit.
Exhibit D:
One hot guy who is buying his girlfriend a gift. Damn… and shit. Both… At once.

Now I know what you’re thinking… You’re a normal shopper. But you’re not, and neither am I. When I cross paths with a normal shopper, I want to jump over my register and shower him or her with love and praise: “MAY GOD LINE THE PATH OF YOUR LIFE WITH ROSES AND BLESS YOU WITH GOOD FORTUNE IN ALL SURPLUS STORE DISCOUNTS!! GO IN PEACE AND GOODWILL.”
If you are a normal shopper, talk to me and I’ll see what I can do for you.

And now onto number 2...
2. (Ha, were you expecting THAT?) Mice run the hard drive of my computer. I can hear them all the time in their little mouse workout wheels, grinding away. I know that this computer is Windows 98, and by my calculations, you are almost six years old, which must be like 190 in human years, but really, could you guys keep in the fuck down?? Seriously you guys, you make such a ruckus. I’d spell-check that in Word, but I don’t want to wear out your little mice legs by opening a new window, so I’ll let it go. Keep on truckin’, lil mice friends.

Your Cinderella-esque Old Navy Slavin’ and Mouse Lovin’ CC